This is not the dream I dreamed
by Bodge
Summary: Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.
1. Chapter 1

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - This idea just wouldn't leave me alone! Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"Daddy, please don't be angry" Rachel had tears rolling down her face as he spoke to her father on the phone.

"Oh baby" he sighed, "I'm not angry, I'm a little bit disappointed, but I'm not angry Ray-ray, whatever you decide to do I'll be there for you, and don't worry about your dad, I'll sort it"

"Thank you." It had been little over three months since Rachel Berry had left Ohio for the bright lights of New York, and now she was on the phone to one of her fathers, telling him that she'd never be able to be the star she'd always dreamed of being.

"Do you want to come home?" her father broke her from her thoughts.

"Sorry?"

"I can book the flights for you Ray, if you want to come back home."

"I. . ." Rachel chewed her lip, "I, I've got the apartment, I signed a lease. . ." things were happening too fast for Rachel, she couldn't think properly.

"If you want to come home baby I'll sort it, don't you worry your pretty little head about it."

"I like it here" she sighed truthfully, after 19 years Rachel Berry had finally found a place where she felt like she fitted in.

"I know you do, but I thought you might want to be here with all your friends and your family. You don't have to make any decisions right now, but there'll always be a room for you here if you want it".

"I like it here" Rachel repeated, unable to believe that her Broadway career could be over before it had even begun.

"I know you do" her father repeated, thinking for a moment, "there are other options you know"

"Like what?" Rachel snapped, "because if you say what I think you're about to say then, then. . . "Rachel couldn't finish her threat as sobs took over her tiny body.

"Oh baby, I wish I was there to hold you. I miss you so much."

"I miss you too daddy." It was true, although she loved New York and all the people she'd met, but she missed being able to curl into her fathers after a bad day, she missed having someone to kiss her and tell her things were going to be okay.

"Your Dad's going to be home any minute, I guess you don't want to talk to him right now"

Rachel shook her head, "I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize Ray. It'll be okay"

"You don't know that."

"I promise you Ray that it will be okay, I've never lied to you before, I don't intend to start now"

"Love you Ray-ray"

"Love you too Daddy."

"Ray"

"Yeah"

"Promise me you'll ring me if you need me. I don't care if it's 3am and you just want to cry, you ring me okay." There was silence. "Promise me Ray"

"I promise."

"Good girl". Her father allowed a small smile to cross his lips, "Take care of yourself Ray"

Rachel said her goodbyes to her father, before placing the phone back on the sideboard in the kitchen. She wanted to believe her daddy when he told her everything was going to be okay, but she couldn't, all she knew was that she'd finally made it to New York, her years of dance classes, voice coaching and ritual humiliation had finally paid off, only for the rug to be pulled from under her feet almost instantly.

Rachel opened the cupboard under the sink, and pulled out several bottles of spirits, various levels of liquid in each bottle, left over from a party she'd held to try and get to know people when she first moved to New York, just three short months ago. Still choking back sobs, Rachel managed to empty the remains from three of the bottles before stumbling to her bed and climbing fully clothed into the covers, covers which were pulled over her head as she cried herself to sleep, praying that she'd wake to find this was all just a bad dream.

* * *

Rachel groaned as she woke, the pounding in her head matching the rhythm of the person banging on her door. She groaned as her mobile began to ring louder than she thought possible on the table beside her bed. "Go away" she groaned, covering her ears with the pillow.

"Rachel, open up baby, we know you're in."

Rachel cursed as she sat up far too quickly, only serving to worsen the pounding in her head. She rubbed her eyes, grimacing at the mascara that rubbed off onto her hands, she NEVER went to bed without taking her make up off. She sighed as she pulled back the covers to reveal yesterday's clothes too.

"Rachel Berry, I will break this door down if I have to." She froze, both her fathers were outside her door. She couldn't let them see her like this, she just couldn't. Empty bottles littered her kitchen, she was still wearing the previous days and make up, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd eaten, but she was sure she was about to see it again.

"Rachel" her dad shouted again, "I will count to five, if this door isn't open by then, I WILL break it down" She moved slowly towards her door as she heard her daddy try and calm her dad down, to no avail, "One" she heard him begin to count, "two, I mean it Rachel." She knew her dad would break the door down if he got to five, "three" she was relieved that he stopped counting as he heard her shaking hands fumble with the stiff locks. "About time" he said as the door swung open.

"Oh my baby" her daddy took one look at her and almost burst into tears himself as he pulled his daughter into his arms. "We got the first flight out here" he explained.

Her dad meanwhile shut and locked the door to Rachel's apartment, before moving his husband and daughter to the sofa, Rachel's arms never once leaving her daddy. He walked into the kitchen and cleaned away the empty bottles without a word, before opening the cupboard by the sink and pulling out the glass Rachel had been given by her mother, filling it with water from the fridge and taking it back to his daughter. He pulled Rachel from her daddy and passed her the glass, his arm around her shoulder as she emptied the glass. "We're here for you Rachel" he spoke to his daughter for the first time since he'd entered the apartment, "we'll stay for as long as you need us" he promised.

* * *

**A/N- Do Rachel's fathers have names?**


	2. Chapter 2

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - This idea just wouldn't leave me alone! Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

[Lyrics from - This is me by 'Demi Lovato' I think her acoustic version is amazing!]

* * *

"Rachel" her dad spoke, "it doesn't have to be like this, you could. . ."

"Leroy" her Daddy scolded his husband, "that is not our decision to make"

"She's our daughter Hiram. We need to make sure she's aware of the options."

"She's 19 years old Leroy, she's a clever girl, of course she's aware of her options."

"I am sitting here you know" Rachel stood from the sofa, running to her bedroom and slamming the door shut.

"Oh Ray-ray" Her daddy flopped onto the bed where Rachel had her head buried in the pillows to hide her sobs.

"I'm sorry Sunshine" her dad sat on the other side of her, "I know this isn't easy for you,, I just want you to know that there are options, this doesn't have to be the end. But Rachel, you know that whatever you choose to do, we'll be right beside you. Don't you ever feel like you're on your own Rachel, 'cos you're not, you never will be."

"Have you thought about telling your mo- Shelby, have you thought about telling Shelby?" Leroy glanced at Hiram as they felt Rachel freeze beneath them.

"No" she mumbled into the pillows. "She's nothing to do with me, I don't want her to know." She looked from her dad to her daddy, "I don't want her to know" she repeated sternly.

Both her fathers nodded, "we won't tell her" Hiram promised.

Rachel spent the weekend curled into bed between her fathers, they watched cheesy movies with her, ordered takeaways and almost forced her to eat, but what Rachel valued most was the fact they were there. She hadn't asked them to come, but they knew she needed them and they'd turned up at her door. They hugged her, kissed her and wiped away her tears, they listened when she wanted to talk, but they didn't force her, and they were happy if she just wanted to lie in silence. When the time came for her fathers to leave, Rachel was tempted to go with them.

"You know you're welcome to come home Sunshine" Leroy told her calmly, "but we're not going to force you."

Rachel nodded, "I think I'll come back to Ohio eventually" she said softly, "but I like it here, I think I want to stay here for as long as I can"

Her father's nodded, "Whenever you want Ray-ray, you just let us know" Hiram gushed.

"If you want to stay here, in New York I mean" Leroy thought carefully about the words he used, he knew Hiram would want Rachel back at home, but she was an adult now, she should make her own decisions, "I'd support you." He held his hands up to stop his husband from speaking, "and I don't want you to think that I'm trying to stop you coming home, because you're always welcome, I just don't want you to make a decision you'll regret."

Rachel nodded "thank you dad" she whispered.

Leroy nodded and hugged his daughter, "you've got a lot of decisions to make Rachel. I trust you'll make the right ones"

* * *

Rachel spent the next week in bed, she didn't leave her apartment and she refused to answer her phone. She'd spoken to her dads just after they'd landed back in Ohio and told him that she needed time to get her head around things. Leroy had agreed to give her the space she needed, trusting that she'd ring him or Hiram if or when she a ready to talk. Hiram on the other hand was understandably worried about his little girl, and had to be talked out of calling her almost every night.

"She's my daughter Leroy, she's hurting and she's all alone."

Leroy sighed, they'd had this conversation far too many times for his liking. "She'll be fine Hiram, you know she's a strong girl, she just needs time to think things through, she knows where we are, if she needs us she'll call."

"What if she thinks we don't want her anymore?"

"And what would give her that idea, considering the fact that she rang you on Thursday and by lunch time on Friday we were in her apartment. She's 19 Hiram, as much as we love her we need to respect that she has to make her own mind up about things, we can't pressurise her into doing what we think is right."

"When did she grow up?" Hiram sighed, tears filling his eyes, "I wish she was still that little girl with the huge voice. Back when a cuddle and a glass of water made everything better."

"I know" Leroy sighed, moving to sit next to his husband, pulling him into a hug, "but we both knew she had to grow up sometime"

"I know. I just didn't expect it to be like this."

"I don't think any of us did" Leroy said truthfully.

* * *

Rachel sighed as she laid on top of the covers on her bed, cream with a pattern of gold stars embroidered on the sheets. She was exhausted, she'd barely eaten since her father's had left and she felt like she'd not stopped crying in almost a week. She hoped time alone would give her time to think, time to get her thoughts in order, and although she felt like she'd made a decision about what she wanted to do, she was still confused, upset, and if she was honest she was more than a little bit angry with herself. She began to run her fingers over the silk edge of the comforter she'd had since she was a child she did the only thing she'd ever done when she was upset, the only way she knew how to express emotion. She began to sing, however her voice lacked it's usual confidence and power. _'Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To dream about a life where you're the shining star, even though it seems like it's too far away, I have to believe in myself, it's the only way. This is real, this is me, I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. . .'_ She began to sob again as she realised that she was no longer where she wanted to be. Sure she wanted to be in New York, but she wanted to be famous, her whole life she'd dreamt of being a star. Never did it cross her mind that she'd find herself 19 years old and pregnant before she had the chance to shine.


	3. Chapter 3

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - This idea just wouldn't leave me alone! Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"Rachel" Leroy smiled, "How are you?"

"I'm okay I think" She thought for a moment. "I've been sick a lot though."

Leroy sighed, "Morning sickness?"

"Yeah, only it's Morning, afternoon, evening and middle of the night sickness"

"It should start to wear off towards the end of the first trimester. Do you know how far along you are? Have you been to see a doctor?" Rachel's silence told him everything. "Have you even got a doctor in New York Rach?"

"No" she whispered. She knew she should have been to see a doctor as soon as she saw the plus sign on the white stick, but she'd been too ashamed, she felt like having her pregnancy confirmed by a doctor would make it all real, and she was content to convince herself the test had been wrong, that she wasn't pregnant.

"Okay, would you like me to ask Doctor Cator if she can recommend someone for you?"

Rachel nodded before realising her father couldn't see her, "Yes please."

"I'll ring her in the morning."

"Thank you dad." There was an unusual silence, Usually if Rachel had gone even a day without speaking to her fathers they struggled to get a word in edgeways, but now she'd gone almost two weeks without speaking to them and she had nothing to say. "I, I erm I think I want to keep it" she said eventually, "I mean I don't think I could have it grow inside me for 9 months and then give it away like an unwanted birthday present. And I did some research on, on the other thing, they, they. . ."

"Rachel" Leroy interrupted her. "You don't need to explain yourself to me. I said I'd support you regardless of what you chose to do. I still will."

"You're going to be a granddad" She whispered tearfully.

Leroy laughed, "I know. I'll have to buy a pipe and some carpet slippers."

"Thanks Dad"

"What for sunshine?"

"Being normal. I mean I love Daddy, but sometime's he's a little bit. . ." she searched for the right word, "suffocating. I'm not 5 years old anymore"

"I know. It's just hard for him to adapt to the fact that you're not his little girl anymore. You'll understand one day" he smiled knowingly.

"I think I'm going to stay in New York for a while." Rachel spoke again, "I mean I don't know if I'll be able to do this on my own, but I like New York, and I don't particularly want to have to explain why I'm back in Ohio every time I meet someone I know. I don't want them to know how much of a failure I am"

"You are not a failure" Leroy tried to reassure his daughter. "Life just had different plans than you did. Have the baby Rachel, then see how you feel, if you still want to try and crack on to Broadway then we'll sort something, I don't know, me and your daddy could come with you to look after the little one. You're not necessarily changing direction, just making a little detour."

Rachel nodded, she knew her father was right. "Thanks dad. I'm going to have to go, I'm feeling a little bit nauseous again, but I'll ring you and Daddy tomorrow night."

"Okay sunshine. I'll speak to you soon. Love you."

"Love you too. Tell Daddy I love him too."

"I will do. Take care of yourself."

"I will. Bye Dad."

"Bye Rach"

* * *

The week after her phone call with her father Rachel attended her first doctor's appointment. Alone. She couldn't help but smile as she saw the tiny image of her baby fluttering on the screen. She sent a dvd and of her ultrasound to her fathers, and wasn't surprised when her Daddy rang her in tears to tell her he'd just watched it.

Rachel spent many hours thinking about her future, discussing her future with her fathers and the friends she'd made just a few short weeks ago. Friends she felt like she'd known all her life. She dropped out of college and found herself a job, the pay wasn't great, but it was money Rachel could save to buy all the things her child would need. She laid in bed at night, her arms wrapped around her ever growing stomach she'd talk to her child until she fell asleep. One thing she didn't talk about however, was her baby's father. She'd told her parents that she'd met up with someone she knew from summer school a few days after she moved to New York, and that had been when her child had been conceived. She'd told her friends in New York that she was already pregnant when she left Ohio. Only she knew the truth.

* * *

"So?" Hiram answered after the first ring, putting the call onto speaker so Leroy could hear what Rachel had to say.

Rachel smiled and leant against the wall of her doctor's office "It's a she" she said eventually.

Hiram's scream was almost deafening, "Rachel, that's amazing, now we can start shopping."

"Daddy, please don't buy too much. I'm going to order some things for the nursery tonight if that's okay?"

"Of course it is Rachel." Leroy spoke, "Use our credit card, buy whatever you need"

"No Dad, I can afford it, I've been saving my wages, she's my daughter, you shouldn't have to provide for her."

"Okay" Leroy knew better than to argue with his daughter, "you order what you need, get it delivered here and we'll have it all set up for when you come home."

Rachel smiled, she was just over 20 weeks pregnant, and she'd decided she would move back to Ohio once her maternity leave started.

"Does she have a name?" Hiram asked, breaking Rachel from her thoughts.

Rachel shrugged, "I've not really thought about it to be honest, I mean I only found out she was a she 10 minutes ago. There's plenty of time"

"Don't listen to him Rachel." Leroy interrupted. "I suggested Rachel as soon as we found out you were a girl. He said no, suggested name after name, then he laid eyes on you in the hospital and decided that you were most definitely a Rachel."

Rachel laughed and her stomach growled loudly. She made her excuses and said goodbye to her fathers, promising to send them a dvd copy of the ultrasound before heading back to her apartment, stopping at subway on her way, treating herself to a foot long veggie sub.

She sighed and began to pick at the olives in her sandwich as she cured her feet underneath her. Even her, with her unconventional parentage had two parents arguing over her names, she had no one. Half of her wanted to ring her baby's father, but the other half knew that he had his own life, one she didn't want to ruin by announcing that their one night together had changed her entire life. She could only hope that things would seem better when she was back in Lima with her family.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - Just a small part for now, but it seemed like a good place to break it up. Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"Daddy" The scream that left Rachel's mouth was the most terrifying noise Hiram had ever heard.

"Rachel, Ray-ray what's wrong baby."

"It hurts Daddy, really really hurts, it's too soon Daddy, she's too early." Rachel groaned, curling herself into a ball on her bed, begging her daddy to make it stop hurting like he had done so many times when she was younger.

"Okay baby, I'm going to ring an ambulance for you, then I'm going to ring your dad, we'll be there as soon as we can. It'll be okay Ray, I promise."

Rachel whimpered softly, as Hiram used the other phone to dial 911, she heard him give the operator her address before saying the words she'd tried to avoid, "she's just over 31 weeks pregnant, and I think she's in premature labour." Hiram asked Rachel a few questions before relaying the answers to the operator, and telling Rachel an ambulance was on it's way. Rachel listened as her daddy rang her dad, the conversation was short. "I need you to book us on the next flight to New York and meet me outside your office in 15 minutes." He tried to keep up a conversation with Rachel as he threw some clean clothes into a bag, and left the house. He'd just climbed into his car when he heard the ambulance crew arriving at Rachel's house. "Baby, I'm going to collect your Dad, we'll be there as soon as we can. We love you baby." He asked the paramedic which hospital they were taking Rachel to before he hung up and drove to Leroy's office, breaking every speed limit on the way he managed to collect his husband, explain what was happening and arrive at the airport in record time.

* * *

"Rachel Berry" Hiram yelled at the receptionist as they reached the maternity department at the hospital.

"I'm sorry, visiting hours are 12-2 and 5-7.30" she pointed to the clock behind her head, currently reading 4.06, "unless one of you is the father of course."

"We are" Hiram said, earning him a raised eyebrow from the receptionist,

"Rachel is our daughter" Leroy explained, "she is in premature labour and we want to be with her."

"Well like I said, visiting hours are . . ."

"No" Rachel's usually calm Father snapped, "My daughter could be having my granddaughter almost 9 weeks early. She is scared and alone, and I want to see her NOW."

"Can I help you?" A doctor approached the angry men.

"We want to see Rachel Berry" Hiram spoke calmly.

"You must be her fathers" The doctor asked, both men nodded, The three men introduced themselves before the doctor spoke again "follow me" he swiped his hospital id and pushed open the door, leading the two men down a long corridor, "she's in there" he pointed to a white door, I don't think she's sleeping, call me if you need anything"

Rachel's fathers pulled her into a hug as they reached the bed, comforting their daughter as she sobbed into their shoulders, "did they, did they say what's happening?" Leroy asked, sitting beside her bed, running his fingers over the back of her hand, trying not to knock the iv line.

"They've given me drugs that have stopped the contractions for now, but I'm already 4cm dilated, they've given me steroids to help her lungs develop, but they can take up to 24 hours to work properly and I'm not allowed to leave the bed."

Hiram sighed, "We should have made you come home, we should have been there for you."

Leroy shook his head, "None of us knew this was going to happen, we all thought Rachel would be home in time to have the baby in Ohio" he said truthfully, there being just three weeks left until he and Hiram had arranged to collect Rachel and her things in a rented truck, to take her back to Lima. "It just turns out that this little thing is as dramatic as her mother and knows how to make an entrance." He tried to lighten the mood slightly, "it's no one's fault."

Rachel shook her head, "I should have taken better care of myself, I've had back pains for days, I ignored it, and then I woke up earlier, and it hurt so much" she began to sob again.

"Hey calm down Sunshine" Leroy said softly, "getting worked up like this isn't going to help either of you." Rachel nodded, and allowed Hiram to climb onto the bed beside her and rock her softly until she finally fell asleep.

The two men woke to find their daughter still sleeping, but writhing and groaning in pain, the line on the machine measuring Rachel's contractions wasn't as still as before, and both men knew it was serious. Hiram stayed in the room to comfort his daughter, whilst Leroy left the room in search of help. He'd just re-entered the room when Rachel woke with a scream, the monitor by her bed reporting the strongest contraction of the night. "Daddy" she whimpered, clutching her stomach just seconds before a damp patch appeared on the sheets.

"Page doctor Ellis." One nurse snapped at another, "and call the neo-natal intensive care unit, we're going to have to deliver."


	5. Chapter 5

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

[Lyrics in italics from 'I dreamed a dream' from Les Misérables]

* * *

Almost four hours later Rachel groaned and collapsed back into the bed as she felt something slip from her body. "She's not crying" Rachel began to panic, "why isn't she crying?"

"She's very early Rachel" the doctor said softly, "it's not unusual for babies that small to need help breathing."

Rachel choked back a sob as her baby was laid in an incubator and wheeled from the room, "Where are they taking her?"

"To the neo-natal intensive care unit"

"I want to go with her." Rachel cried.

"We need to get you stitched and cleaned up Rachel, you can see her later when she's settled."

The doctor saw Rachel's face fall, "why doesn't one of your dads go with her?" he suggested.

Rachel nodded, accepting the compromise, "Dad, will you?" Leroy nodded and the doctor walked him into the far corner of the room,

"You'll probably have to wait outside until they've got the baby settled" he explained, "but I think it'll calm Rachel down if she knows you're there." He said, before asking a nurse to show him the way, and turning his attention back to Rachel.

"How are you feeling?" Hiram asked as he sat beside Rachel's bed later that evening.

Rachel shrugged, "tired?" She was confused, she didn't know what to think, she didn't know how she was supposed to feel. Her hands kept wondering to her stomach, expecting to roam over the gentle curve, feeling her daughter move beneath her hands, but now there was nothing.

There was a tap on the door, shortly before a doctor Rachel hadn't met before walked into the room. "Dr Ryan" he held out his hand for Rachel and Hiram to shake. "I'm the paediatrician in charge of your daughter's care" he explained, "I've got a picture of her if you'd like to see it?" Rachel took the picture from the doctor, lying it face down on the cabinet beside the bed so she didn't have to look at it. "We've got your daughter settled in the neo-natal intensive care unit" he told Rachel, sitting beside the bed, "so whenever you're ready to meet her just let a nurse know and they'll bring you down, I believe your father is down there now?"

Rachel said nothing, so Hiram answered, "My husband is with the little one yes."

The doctor nodded, "she's. . .sorry, I should have asked, does she have a name, she's just Baby Berry at the moment"

Rachel shook her head, "she's. . . I didn't. . ."

The doctor nodded, "that's fine, I just thought I'd ask. But anyway, as you know she's small, ideally we'd have liked her to be a little bit bigger for the age that she is. . ."

"How big is she?" Hiram interrupted.

The doctor looked to Rachel and she nodded, "she's 3 pounds and 2 ounces, and a little over 15 inches long". Hiram gasped, he and Leroy has thought Rachel was tiny when she was born, but she was more than double the weight of his granddaughter. Rachel sad nothing, but bowed her head, trying to stop her tears from falling. "like I said" the doctor continued, "she's tiny, but she's doing as well as can be expected, she's on a ventilator to help her breathe, but that's not unusual with preemies, she shouldn't need to be on it for long, and for the time being she'll be tube fed, a lot of preemies have trouble sucking and swallowing as they breathe, but if you want to express some breast milk we can see about feeding her that when she's ready."

Rachel nodded "thank you" she whispered.

The doctor smiled, "do you have any questions?"

"Will, will she be alright?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"I can't give you a definite yes or no" the doctor told her, "every baby is different, there may be some long lasting damage, she may have hearing or eyesight troubles, or she might be absolutely fine, we'll only be able to tell for sure once she's older. What I will tell you though is that we sent a baby home about three weeks ago, he was small, but other than that he had no problems what so ever. He was born at 23 weeks and 5 days gestation. Your little one had an extra 8 weeks, they can only work in her favour."

"Okay" Rachel whispered softly.

"Would you like to see her?" the doctor asked.

Rachel shook her head, "No, not, not yet. But please, let my dad's see her when they want."

The doctor nodded, "I'll make sure the nurses know. And I understand that this is hard for you Rachel, but I'm sure that little one would love to hear your voice, she'll recognise you" he explained, "but as soon as you're ready. . ." he stood from his seat, squeezing Rachel's shoulder and shaking Hiram's hand. "Any questions Rachel, just ask a nurse to page me."

"Thank you" Rachel sighed as the doctor left the room.

"Are you sure you don't want to go and see her Rachel?" Hiram asked, "I could ask if I can take you down if you'd rather?"

Rachel shook her head, "you can go, if you want."

"Are you sure?" Hiram asked, reluctant to leave Rachel.

"Yeah" she tried to sound sure, "I think I'm going to try to sleep for a while."

"Okay" Hiram helped Rachel get comfortable in the bed before kissing her forehead, "sweet dreams Ray-ray" he whispered leaving the room.

Rachel managed to fall into a restless slumber, only waking as the sunlight began to stream through the blinds. She winced as she rolled over in the bed, her whole body ached, she reached out for the small Polaroid the doctor had bought her the previous night, stroking her fingers over the image of her child, she was the tiniest thing Rachel had ever seen, but she was perfectly formed, her lightly tanned skin half hidden by masses of wires and tubes, dark hair poking out from under the pink hat. She was simply beautiful and Rachel knew she'd never love anyone the way she loved this little girl.

Rachel's fathers paused outside her room as they heard their daughter sing for the first time in longer than they cared to remember, _'__I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living, so different now from what it seemed, but life has killed the dream I dreamed' _They sighed as they heard their daughter's voice break into sobs, "Oh Ray-ray" Hiram sighed, "where did it all go wrong?"


	6. Chapter 6

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

[Lyrics in italics from 'Brave' from Idina Menzel]

* * *

"Morning Ray-ray" Hiram smiled as he walked into Rachel's room, Leroy not far behind his husband.

"How are you?" Leroy asked, dropping to sit on the bed, it had now been almost a week since Rachel had given birth and she had yet to meet her tiny daughter. Hiram had wanted to keep asking her to see the baby, but Leroy said no, he knew Rachel would see her when she was ready.

"I'm okay" she said vaguely, "I erm, I think I've chosen a name" Rachel gestured to the baby name book that Hiram had bought her, desperate to take the subject away from how she was feeling.

"Oh?" Leroy smiled, "are you going to tell us what you're calling her then?" he asked. "Or do we have to guess?"

"Lyla" Rachel whispered, not wanting her fathers to disapprove. They'd already told her that they would be there to give their advice and opinions, but made it clear that they wouldn't make decisions for her, and they would never force her to change her mind. Even so Rachel still wanted to know that they approved.

"Lyla" Hiram smiled.

"My little Lylaberry. I like it" Leroy grinned. "It's better than my suggestions" he laughed, having unhelpfully already having suggested Blue, Straw and Goose, amongst others as possibilities of names for 'Baby Berry'

"Is there any reason you chose Lyla?" Hiram asked, sitting on the bed and flicking through the name book.

Rachel nodded and reached for the small picture of her daughter, "Her hair." She stated, "it's the first thing I noticed about her."

"Aha." Hiram grinned, "Lyla, Persian, Dark haired beauty. Rachel" he began, tearing up, "I, I don't. . ."

Leroy squeezed his husband's hand, "what your daddy is trying to say, is that Lyla is a beautiful name." He paused for a moment. "Would you like to come and tell her her name?"

Rachel looked unsure, "I don't. . .I can't. . ." She couldn't tell her fathers that she was scared of meeting her daughter. She was terrified of falling in love with the tiny girl only for her to be cruelly snatched away. "I'm scared" she whispered.

"Oh Sunshine" Leroy pulled his daughter into a hug knowing exactly what she meant, "the doctors say she's doing really well, she's only 5 days old but she's put on 2 ounces already."

Rachel nodded, "and look who her mommy is" Hiram smiled, "she's a fighter, it's in her blood."

"Okay?" she whispered.

"Okay?" Leroy repeated.

"Okay." Rachel nodded, "I'll see her."

* * *

"She's yellow" Rachel stated as she sat cautiously in a chair by Lyla's incubator.

"It's jaundice" A nurse told her helpfully, "it's really common in preemies, when our blood cells die they make something called bilirubin" she explained "usually it happens at a rate our livers can cope with, so we don't get jaundice, but she's producing more than her liver can cope with, so we've put her under these lights" she gestured towards the lights in the incubator, "they'll help her out until her liver can cope on its own"

Rachel nodded slightly, "thanks" she whispered, not taking her eyes from the baby.

"It's okay" the nurse smiled, "I'm Katie" she told Rachel.

"Rachel"

"I know it's scary for you Rachel, and the paediatrician will be in shortly to explain everything, but if you need anything or if you have any questions just give me a shout" she smiled as she left Rachel to bond with her daughter.

The paediatrician came to speak to Rachel not long after she'd arrived, he'd told her the functions of the various machines surrounding the tiny baby, and echoed Leroy's comments on how well she was doing. "When, I mean, if everything stays okay, when can I take her home?" she asked

"Like many other things I can't give you a set date as to when she'll be well enough to go home" the doctor explained "but preemies are usually well enough to go home around their due date. I think the earliest we've ever had a preemie as early as your daughter go home, as far as I can remember, was around the time that they'd have been 37 weeks."

Rachel nodded, "Lyla" she corrected him, "her name's Lyla, Lyla Faith Berry."

"Lyla" the doctor repeated smiling slightly, "I'll let the nurses know. And if there's anything else, just get one of them to give me a call." He squeezed Rachel's shoulder reassuringly before leaving.

"Hi" Rachel turned to find a woman about her age stood beside her. "She's a beautiful little thing" she gestured to Lyla. "I'm Hannah by the way."

Rachel smiled, "I'm Rachel, and this is Lyla."

Hannah smiled, "It's a lovely name, that's my Charlie" she gestured to another incubator a few feet away, "how far along were you when she was born?" Hannah slipped into the chair beside Rachel.

"31 weeks and 4 days. You?"

"25 weeks exactly, and he's 7 weeks old now, we'd probably have been due about the same time." Rachel nodded, Hannah seemed friendly, Rachel only wished that they'd met under better circumstances, both of them having healthy newborns in the nursery opposed to sick preemies fighting for their lives in the neo natal intensive care unit. "I just wanted to say that if you need anything, or if you want to chat to someone who knows what it's like, then me or my husband Tom are always here."

"Thank you."

"I don't want to seem nosy, but I've seen two men coming to visit Lyla a lot . . . "

"They're my fathers" Rachel explained. "I told them to go and get some rest.

"They seem like good men" Hannah told her, "it's good to have someone to lean on, and like I said, if you need me. . . "

"Thanks" Rachel sighed sadly

"Chin up" Hannah told her, "wait until you get to hold her for the first time. It's the most amazing thing in the world." Rachel nodded and thanked Hannah again before she went back to her son.

Rachel sighed again as she reached a hand into the incubator, hoping her daughter knew she was there. The doctors had told her to talk to her, that she'd recognise her voice from when she was in the womb. They said that the tiny baby would be reassured by her mother's voice. Rachel didn't know what to say to her daughter, instead beginning to sing softly to the infant. '_Don't know just where I'm going, and tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming. And the air is cold, and I'm not the same anymore. I've been running in your direction for too long now, I've lost my own reflection and I can't look down if you're not there to catch me when I fall.__' _ Rachel's voice quivered, as much as she'd not wanted to be a mother at 19, she was terrified that she'd end up going back to Lima without her daughter. _'If this is the moment I stand here on my own, if this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home, I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave' _


	7. Chapter 7

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

Sorry this part's a bit short, I've been working all week and I'm exhausted!

* * *

"What if I hurt her?" Rachel asked, her hands shaking as they reached to take Lyla from the doctor.

"You won't" he laid Lyla on Rachel's chest, "Keep one hand under her bum" he moved her left hand, "and if you stand up or carry her anywhere, support her head with your other hand" the doctor placed her right hand over Lyla's head to demonstrate, "do that and you won't go far wrong." He smiled, watching Lyla snuggle again Rachel's chest, before covering the small girl with a blanket. "It looks like someone's trying to tell you something" the doctor smiled, watching as Lyla curled and uncurled her fists by her head, her mouth opening and closing as she suckled the air by Rachel's chest. "Would you like to try feeding her?"

Rachel was shocked, today was the first time she'd held Lyla without a mass of tubes and wires tying her to the incubator, she'd never imagined she'd get to feed her too. "Will she be able to?" Rachel asked, "I mean they told me she might still be tube fed when she went home."

The doctor shrugged, "she's still small, she might not take much before she's exhausted, but getting her used to putting some effort into feeding won't hurt. I'll get a nurse to take out the tube then we can see how she takes to it" he smiled leaving Rachel with Lyla.

"Daddy, Daddy, she's feeding" Rachel couldn't tear her eyes away from her daughter as she laid against her mother's chest.

"Oh Ray-ray. Your dad would be so proud of you both" Hiram sighed, reaching for the camera and taking some pictures of Rachel and Lyla to show his husband at a later date. Leroy had spoken to the doctor and been told that Lyla would more than likely be discharged within the next few weeks, as they were just waiting for her to gain few extra pounds, and so Leroy had flown back to Ohio to prepare the house for Lyla's arrival.

"How are you feeling this morning?" Hiram asked, placing the mail he'd picked up from Rachel's apartment beside his daughter.

"Amazing" she sighed, "absolutely amazing" her eyes still fixed on her daughter.

"I told you it was the best feeling." Hannah grinned, placing a hand lightly on Rachel's shoulder, "if she keeps going like this she'll be out before Charlie, and we can't have that" she joked, her and Rachel becoming firm friends over the past few weeks, supporting each other as their children grew both bigger and stronger. "Just make sure I get a cuddle before you whisk her back to Ohio" she smiled, greeting Hiram before walking over to Charlie's bedside.

"How's she doing?" the doctor asked, approaching Rachel almost half an hour had passed since Lyla had been taken from her incubator.

"She's asleep" Rachel told him, "she fed for a while, but I don't think she took much, she was sort of just lying there for a while."

The doctor nodded, "She'll get the hang of it eventually, once she's got the hang of atcing on, and she realises tht that's where her food is she'll start taking more"

It took almost three weeks for Lyla to get the hang of breast feeding, "She's doing well" the doctor smiled as the nurse removed Lyla's feeding tube for the last time, "she's getting everything she needs from you now" he explained, "she doesn't need to be supplemented any more. Just three more pounds and I'll be happy to sign discharge papers"

Rachel couldn't tear the grin from her face as she check the straps on Lyla's car seat were secure before saying goodbye to the nurses and carrying her out of the hospital for the first time. Hiram carried their bags out to the car, Lyla's paediatrician waking alongside them. He waited for Rachel to click the car seat into the base before leaning over the sleeping child, "and while it was lovely to meet you Lyla, I hope our paths never have to cross again" he shook her tiny fist before turning his attention to Rachel, "I'll make sure Doctor Tayler has Lyla's notes, then you just give her a ring and make an appointment, I trained with her, she's a good doctor."

"Thank you" Rachel smiled, wrapping her arms around the tall man, "for everything., I don't know how I can ever thank you."

"Just take care of yourselves" the doctor smiled, "and if you ever get on Broadway send some tickets in my direction."

Rachel nodded, "front row of my first show, you'll be there" she promised.

The doctor smiled and turned his attention to Hiram, "and you look after these two, drive carefully" he warned.

"I will" Hiram nodded, "I've got precious cargo to take care of. And thank you, for everything you've done for them both"

"Hey" the doctor saw the tears in Hiram's eyes, "I was just doing my job. Now you get them back home where they belong, I bet Leroy's waiting for you."

The adults said their final goodbyes before Rachel climbed in beside Lyla, "Come on baby" she smiled, "let's go home"

Leroy flung the door open as he saw Hiram's car pull up in front of the house, "Rachel, Hiram, what's. . .I wasn't expecting you for another week or so."

"She passed the minimum weight for her car seat, she feeds well" Rachel explained, lifting Lyla from the car "so they let her come home"

"Oh my Lylaberry" Leroy took Lyla from Rachel, "she's so big" he grinned, even though Lyla was still considerably smaller than the average newborn, she was a lot bigger than when Leroy last saw her.

"Four pounds and nine ounces" Rachel smiled proudly, kissing Leroy's cheek before yawning.

"Come on" Leroy wrapped his free arm around Rachel, "I'll watch Lyla, you have a lie down." He guided her into the house, glad to have his daughter and his granddaughter back home where they belonged.

* * *

** Coming Next Time: Rachel bumps into Lyla's father**. . .


	8. Chapter 8

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel [and her fathers]

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

I'd be interested to know who you think Lyla's father is . . .

* * *

"Rachel." She froze. She knew she'd bump into people she knew eventually, she just hadn't expected it would be so soon, she defiantly hadn't expected it to happen the first time she left the house. "Rachel, I thought you were in New York, are you visiting your fathers?" Will asked as he caught up with Rachel.

"No" she shook her head, "I erm, I'm back for the foreseeable future, things in New York didn't really work out."

"Oh?" Will raised an eyebrow, "I thought you were destined to be on Broadway."

"So did I she said sadly, "turns out my daughter had other ideas."

Will's face dropped and he looked round half expecting the child to be with her, "you had a baby?"

"Lyla" Rachel told him, "she erm, she's almost 8 weeks old."

"Where is she now?" Will asked.

"At home with my Daddy, she was premature, she's only been home a couple of days, her immune systems not developed properly, and I didn't want to risk her catching anything, but I needed to get out for a while. Daddy asked me to go to the store."

"I hope you're okay" Will said sincerely "both of you"

"Thank you" Rachel nodded, "I erm, I should be off."

Will nodded, "if you're ever stuck for something to do, I wouldn't say no to your expertise with the Glee club" he told her, "we meet at the same time as always, and you're welcome to bring Lyla."

"Maybe when she's a bit bigger." Rachel told him, saying her goodbyes and heading to the store.

"Berry." Rachel sighed as she turned to find Puck stood behind her, and she cursed under her breath. Why didn't she just take out an advert in the local paper to announce that Rachel Berry had had a baby and become a Lima Looser. "Didn't think I'd ever see you again!"

"Yeah, well, y'know" she shrugged and turned beck to collecting the items Hiram had asked for, hoping Puck would get the hint and leave her alone. But he didn't.

"So what brings you back to Lima?" he asked, quickening his pace to keep up with her.

Rachel shrugged, "just stuff."

"Stuff?" Puck raised an eyebrow at her ineloquent choice of words. "How long you back for then?" he asked, following her down the baby aisle, raising an eyebrow as she threw some baby wipes into her basket.

Rachel shrugged again, "dunno"

"Come on Berry. We all know that you don't do things on the spur of the moment. You have things planned out, weeks, months, even years in advance. So how long are you back in Lima?"

"I don't know alright, I'm here until I leave again, it might be a month, it might be a year I might end up here for the rest of my life. Who knows?"

"Rachel Berry a Lima looser, who'd have guessed it?" Puck smirked as she left the store, "we should hook up Berry, we were good together." He called after her.

"I'll have to ask my daughter how she'd feel about it" she called over her shoulder without looking back.

"Rachel, I heard you were back." "Finn, I can't stop, I have to get these home" she gestured to the bags, sighing as Finn took the bags from her hands and walking beside her. "So. . ." he tried to break the silence, "Puck said you had a daughter now"

Rachel could kill Noah Puckerman. "Yes. Yes I have."

"Right." Finn didn't know what to say, "what's her name?"

"Lyla" Rachel said as thy came to a halt outside her house, "her name's Lyla, and if you don't mind she'll be getting ready for a feed." She said, walking into her house, slamming the door behind her, cursing as she heard Lyla wake and begin to scream. She put the bags into the kitchen, and lifted Lyla from Hiram's arms. "She'll be hungry" she said simply, sighing as she collapsed on the sofa and beginning to feed her hungry daughter.

"What's wrong Ray-ray?" Hiram asked. ,moving to sit beside Rachel.

"I only went to the store. The first time I've been outside in Lima for the best part of a year, and I bump into my old Gle coach and two ex boyfriends. Now everyone knows what a looser I am."

"You're not a looser." Hiram said forcefully.

"I could have been a Broadway star." She told him, "Now look at me, I'm probably going to be stuck in Lima for the rest of my life."

"You might be in Lima. But you're no looser, Ray. You have got a beautiful baby girl, you could have given her away, or not had her at all. You oculd still have been in New York, but you didn't, you put your daughter's well being before your own. That is one of the most un-looser-est hings anyone could do. And noone's forcing you to stay in Lima forever, you can go anywhere Rachel, do anything. This is just a stopgap."

Rachel nodded, "thank you daddy."

"It's not a problem baby" he kissed her head as she winded Lyla, "Now why don't you leave this little lady with me and go and have a lie down?" he asked, taking Lyla from Rachel and kissing his daughter's head before she left the room

* * *

Lyla was in Lima for almost a month before she left the house. "This is your last diaper" Rachel told the young girl as she changed her that afternoon, she'd been hoping her daughter would go easy on the dirty diapers and allow Leroy to pick some up on his way home from work, but the baby had other ideas. "Come on then" Rachel sighed, "let' get you wrapped up." Rachel carried Lyla downstairs and strapped her into the car seat in the hallway, whilst she didn't like taking Lyla out, her fathers insisted on leaving the car seat at home, just in case Rachel needed it. She was glad they did. Rachel made sure Lyla's seat was secured to the base in the back of her car before beginning to sing softly to the radio as she drove to the nearest shop that sold the preemie size diapers Lyla needed, almost half an hour away.

"Excuse me" Rachel squeezed past another woman to reach for the pack of diapers she needed.

"Rachel." The woman turned to face her, a pack of toddler sized pull ups in her hand, "What are you doing here?"

"It's the nearest place to us that sells these" she gestured to the diapers in her hand.

"Preemie diapers?" Shelby raised an eyebrow, "why do you need. . ." she trailed off as Rachel turned her back on Shelby, putting the diapers in the basket hanging from the handles of Lyla's buggy. "Is that yours?"

Rachel nodded, "yes, SHE is mine. Now if you don't mind, we need to go"

"Rachel please" Shelby almost pleaded with her eldest daughter.

"What?" Rachel snapped back

"Can we talk sometime?"

"I beg your pardon"

"Please Rachel"

"What, am I not good enough? You don't want to know me, but you're willing to adopt my friend's baby, and then when you find out that I've got a baby you suddenly want to know me? Would things have been different if I'd have been in diapers myself when I found you?" Lyla began to whine, not liking her mother raising her voice. "shh, shh, it's okay baby, I didn't mean to upset you."

Shelby watched as Rachel rocked the buggy, talking softly until the baby was calm. "You don't know how hard it was for me Rachel."

"And you don't know how hard it was for me, she was almost 9 weeks early. Do you know how hard it was for me not to ring you, do you know how bad it made me feel that my fathers got the first flight out to New York to be with me, that they took unpaid leave from work to sit with me whilst my daughter fought for her life, but all I wanted to do was call you?"

"Rachel, I'm so sorry" Shelby reached for her daughter but Rachel took a step backwards "You should have called me, I'd have been there"

Rachel laughed sarcastically, "what, like you've been there every other time I needed a mother, like when I had horrendous morning sickness and needed someone to tell me it was okay, that it would end, someone to tell me how to make it better, like when I was 13 and had my first period and was convinced I was dying, like you were there when I was 16 and crying out for you to love me? I didn't ask for you to give me away. This mess isn't my fault, so I refuse to let you punish me for it"

"Rachel. . .Shelby?" Rachel turned to see Will walking towards her, a blonde toddler holding tightly to his hand, "what's going on?"

Rachel shook her head, "we were just leaving"

"This must be Lyla" he gasped peering into the buggy, "You can tell who her mummy is can't you" he smiled, "and she's so small"

"Me see Daddy" Beth pulled on Will's arm and he lifted her to his hip so she could see inside the buggy.

"You knew" Shelby spat. "You knew I had a grandchild and you didn't think to tell me?"

"No" Rachel stopped Shelby yelling, "You do not have a , you made it quite clear that I didn't have a mother three years ago, if you're not my mother you're not her grandmother. Mr Schuester it's been nice to see you again, I hope you and Beth grandchildare well" she said politely before walking away from her shocked mother.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

After taking Lyla to the supermarket Rachel began taking her out more often. She attended a mother and baby group and began to make friends with other local mothers, and she'd even attended a couple of 'little swimmers' swim classes with the small girl. She'd also bumped into most of the glee club, and instead of the jibes and jokes she'd expected, she' received nothing but support.

"Rachel" Hiram called, "someone to see you. Come inside, sit down" he welcomed the visitor into his home, "Rachel won't be a moment, would you mind if I got back to. . ."

"No" the guest shook their head, "I'll just wait here."

"Da. . .Finn, what are you doing here?" Rachel froze in the doorway, Lyla cooing in her arms.

"I erm, I had the afternoon off, I've been working at Burt's garage, my mom married him you know" he digressed, "but erm yeah, I thought I'd come see if you wanted to do something. . ." Rachel opened her mouth to protest but Finn stopped her, "we could just go for a walk or something, Lyla can come too."

Rachel nodded, she knew she wouldn't be able to turn him down, "I need to get ready, could you . . ." she gestured to Lyla.

"Sure, I um, I mean I've never really held a baby before"

Rachel smiled, and laid Lyla in Finn's arms, showing him how to hold her, before excusing herself to get ready.

"You're a lucky girl Lyla, I've never seen your mom look as happy as she did with you in her arms. Not even when she got the solo from Kurt, She never gives anything less than her everything, she'll be a great mommy Lyla, just you wait and see."

"Hey" Rachel made her presence known. "I'm ready" she failed to tell him that she'd heard his conversation with her daughter, "I just need to put her this on" Rachel took Lyla from Finn's arms and put on a tiny pink jacket before lying Lyla in her buggy and telling Hiram she was going out.

"So. . ." Finn tried to break the silence that had fallen between him and Rachel as they strolled through the park, "what do you want to do?"

Rachel shrugged, "I don't mind."

"There's a new pizza place opened up near the school, we could go and grab something to eat I think they do like salad and stuff, cos you don't eat cheese do you?"

"Yeah. I erm, I stopped being vegan when I was pregnant, I had constant cravings for ice cream, the dairy free stuff just wasn't enough. I just don't eat meat now."

"Awesome" Finn grinned, glad he'd not messed up, "so, pizza. . .?"

Rachel nodded, "Pizza sounds good."

Rachel was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed, she'd expected things to be awkward and uncomfortable, but they just seemed to pick up where they left off after graduation.

"Oh Lyla" Rachel sighed as the young girl began to wail in her buggy, "can't you just give me 5 more minutes to finish this?" she tried rocking the buggy with her foot, but Lyla continued to cry, causing a few other diners to turn and stare. "Okay, okay" she lifted the small girl from the buggy, "I've got you, you're okay I've got you." She paused for a minute, "you need changing don't you?" she asked, reaching for the changing bag and moving to stand up.

"I can. . ." Finn offered, "I mean, I've finished, and you. . ."

"I can't ask you to do that"

"I don't mind" he told her, "I mean how hard can it be right?"

Rachel smiled, "if you're sure. . ."

"I wouldn't have offered otherwise." Finn smiled, lifting Lyla from Rachel's arms and taking the changing bag from the handles of the buggy before heading in the direction of the toilets.

"everything okay?" Rachel asked as Finn carried Lyla back over to the table.

"Yeah, wasn't as gross as I was expecting." He told her, taking his seat again, Lyla sat on the edge of the table leant against Finn's chest.

"You were lucky then" she joked, finishing her pizza and reaching for her daughter.

"We've had a good day out haven't we?" Rachel spoke softly to Lyla as she got the small girl ready for bed, "did he tire you out eh?" she smiled as Lyla yawned cutley, "I think Finn enjoyed himself too" she informed the small girl, thinking back to Finn swinging in the park with Lyla on his knee. He'd even offered to go down the slide with her on his lap, but Rachel had convinced him to wait until she was a little bit bigger. "We'll have to go out more often. Maybe we could even take Mr Schuesterup on his offer to help coach Glee." She suggested, "get you started early." Rachel lifted Lyla from the changing mat and moved to sit in the rocking chair, she sang softly, rocking Lyla in her arms as she fed, waiting until her eyes began to close before lying her in the crib. "Sweet dreams baby" she whispered before leaving the room. She watched a movie with her fathers before returning to her room once she was sure Lyla was fully asleep.

She checked on Lyla before reaching under her bed, pulling out a shoebox full of letters and notes Shelby had sent her over the past few weeks since she'd met Lyla, she'd even been calling Rachel, leaving voicemail messages begging Rachel to ring her. Rachel was surprised that Shelby had yet to turn up at the house. She sat down at her desk and pulled out a pen and a sheet of paper, she wanted to tell Shelby once and for all that she wanted nothing to do with her.

_'Shelby_

_As much as I would like to have my mother in my life, as much as I would like Lyla to know you, I think you were right when you said you were my mother not my mom. I always wondered if it was all some big 'mom thing', that when I had children of my own I'd understand, but I don't. Lyla was 5 weeks old, she was doing so well, she'd put weight on they'd taken her off the ventilator, I'd even been able to hold her, then she got an infection, they had to put her back on the ventilator, and she lost almost all the weight she'd put on, they told me that if I'd caught the same infection then I'd need antibiotics for between 2 and 4 weeks then I'd be fine, but all Lyla's organs started to shut down. The doctors told me to prepare for the worst, and I had to face up to the fact that when I went back to the hospital in the morning, Lyla might not be there. That night, I locked myself in my bedroom and I planned how I was going to kill myself, because I knew that there was no way I could carry on if Lyla didn't make it. I knew then that I' never be able to understand you, I'd never be able to understand how you were able to just walk away, and how you refused to let me be a part of your life when I found you three years ago._

_I thought having a child of my own would make me understand why you did what you did, but if anything it's just made me even more confused. I love my daughter with everything I have, I couldn't imagine leaving her or pushing her away, and I would be devastated if I thought she regarded me the same way I regard you. I hope you and Beth are happy._

_From Rachel' _

There was no gold star, no kiss and definitely no love.


	10. Chapter 10

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

-Lyrics in italics fron Taylor Swift, Never Grow Up.

* * *

"What are you looking at?" Rachel smiled as she dressed Lyla, tapping the girl's tiny nose with her finger, "shall we take Mr Schue up on his offer?" she continued to talk to her daughter as she laid her in the middle of the double bed, beginning to get herself ready, "shall we go and share my expertise with the current glee club? I suppose it would look good on my if I was to be seen giving advice to those unfortunate enough to not have my talent. And it's never too early for you to start picking up tips." She told Lyla as she picked her up from the bed, a tiny smile on the young girl's face.

"Rachel, how good to see you." Will stood from his desk as Rachel walked into his office, "and you've bought Lyla too" he cooed over the buggy where Lyla was trying to grab the toys dangling from the bar over the buggy. "Is there something I can do for you?" he asked, turning his attention back to Rachel.

Rachel nodded, "I wondered if you still needed help with Glee."

Will's face broke into a huge grin, "Rachel, I would love you to help with Glee,"

"Who's she?" A blonde cheerio asked, as Rachel walked into the room with Will.

"This is Rachel" Will introduced her to the group, "she was one of the original members of New Directions, she's going to come in and help me out with song choices and vocal arrangements, things like that."

"She can't just walk in here like that" another member called out, "surely she has to audition or something, prove she's good enough?"

"Rachel?" Will turned to the girl just as Lyla began to whimper in her buggy.

Rachel nodded and moved to comfort the small child, "_Your little hands wrapped around my finger, and, it's so quiet in the world tonight, your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming, so I took you in, turn on your favourite night light, to you, everything's funny, you got nothing to regret, I'd give all I have honey, if you could stay like that"_ Rachel lifted Lyla into her arms, beginning to rock her softly as she sang the chorus of the song she'd chosen, _"Oh, darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, just stay this little , oh, darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up, it can stay this simple."_ Lyla let out a last wail before yawning and closing her eyes, prompting Rachel to lie her back in her buggy, _"I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart, and no one will desert you, just try to never grow up," _Rachel tucked the pale pink blanket in around the sleeping infant before standing and turning to face her audience, most of them sat with their mouths wide open in shock.

"So?" Will asked, breaking the silence.

"She's freakin' awesome" the boy who'd challenged her to sing finally gasped.

"Is she in?" Will asked the group of teenagers who had never been to silent. Almost immediately they began to nod and voice their approval. "Okay then" Will smiled, "let's get down to practicing"

After practice was over Rachel began the short walk home before remembering she'd arranged for Finn to come over later that evening, "we better go and get something for him to eat hadn't we?" Rachel asked Lyla who was still sleeping peacefully.

"Hey, it's Beth right?" Rachel crouched down as she recognised the crying blonde toddler stood in front of her.

Beth nodded slowly, "how come you know my name?"

"I know your mommy and daddy" Rachel tried to hide the pain she felt as she referred to Shelby as someone else's mommy, "I saw you before, your daddy picked you up to show you my baby" Rachel gestured to the buggy, "do you remember?"

Beth nodded slowly, "I think so."

Rachel smiled and reached out to wipe away Beth's tears, "so where's your Mommy then?"

Beth shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know. I stopped to look at the toys, and then she was gone, and I looked real hard and I can't find her." Beth began to get worked up again.

"Hey, hey" Rachel tried to calm her sort-of-sister down, "I bet your mommy's looking for you right now, so how about Lyla and I wait with you until she finds us?"

Beth nodded and took Rachel's hand in hers, "thanks" Rachel and Beth stood in silence for a while before Beth tugged on Rachel's arm, "what's your name?" she asked once she was sure she had Rachel's attention.

"Rachel."

"That's a really pretty . . .Mommy!" Beth didn't finish her sentence, instead letting go of Rachel's hand and flying towards Shelby.

"Oh Beth" Shelby sighed, scooping Beth into her arms, "what have I told you about wondering off eh? Are you okay?"

Beth nodded, "Rachel and Lyla waited with me, Rachel said you'd find me and you did."

"Rachel. . ."

"Yup" Beth pointed at Rachel as she began to walk away, unable to watch Shelby giving Beth the love Rachel never had.

"Rachel" Shelby called after her eldest daughter. Rachel said nothing, but turned to face Shelby, allowing her to catch up. "Thanks for waiting with her."

"It's okay, I'm sure any other responsible adult would have done the same, now if you excuse me I have to get home." She once again began to walk away.

"Rachel" Shelby called again, Rachel turning to face her mother for the second time, "I erm, I'm Sorry Rachel, for everything." Rachel nodded, noticing Shelby's eyes filling with tears she said nothing, once again beginning to walk away.


	11. Chapter 11

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"Shelby Corcoran"

"It's, erm, it's Rachel." Rachel had never sounded so nervous in her life.

"Rachel, are you. . .is everything okay?" Shelby panicked, there must be something seriously wrong for Rachel to be ringing her.

Rachel nodded, clearing her throat before speaking again, "Everything's fine, I, I just wondered if you were busy this weekend" Rachel mumbled in one long breath.

Shelby frowned slightly, "Beth has a dance class at 12 on Saturday, we're usually back by 1.30. Why?"

"I, I've been invited to go out on Saturday night, I won't be late, but my fathers are out of town, and I wondered if you would like to have Lyla for the evening, I mean if you don't want to then that's completely fine, but I just thought. . ." Rachel trailed off and hoped Shelby would see that Rachel was trying to begin building some sort of relationship.

"I, that, I. . ." Shelby was speechless, she took a deep breath to compose herself before trying to form a coherent sentence "I'd love to watch her for her, if you're sure?"

"I'm sure. Could I drop her off around 6.30? I'll pick her up before 10."

"That sounds fine." Shelby paused for a moment, hoping her next suggestion wouldn't overstep the line, "you could always stay here, I mean there's plenty of room, and it would save you from having to disturb Lyla once she's settled, and I'm sure Beth would love to see you."

"Okay." Rachel agreed slowly, "that would be . . .good, that would be good."

Shelby couldn't help but smile, "so I'll see you Saturday?"

"Yeah" Rachel grinned, "We'll see you on Saturday"

"Rachel"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you" Shelby whispered, ending the call before Rachel had a chance to reply. Rachel stood staring at the phone for a moment, unable to believe how willing Shelby had been to watch Lyla. She finally came to her senses, still smiling happily she dialled Finn's number.

"Hello" He mumbled sleepily.

"Oh, did I wake you Finn, I didn't notice the time, Lyla's been up since 6"

"No, no it's fine I probably should get up anyway" Finn yawned and glanced at the clock, it was almost lunch time, "so what's up?"

"I just thought I'd let you know I've found someone to watch Lyla on Saturday"

"Awesome" Finn suddenly felt wide awake, "you know my mom would have had her?"

"I know, but I already had someone in mind."

"Okay, so, I'll pick you up at 7 then."

"Yeah, no, wait, could you pick me up from Sh. . .somewhere else?"

Finn frowned, "sure, where."

Rachel rattled off an address, "it's where Lyla will be spending the night."

"Okay. Finn scrambled from the bed, grabbing a pen and scribbling down the address, "I could drive you both over there if you want?"

"No, it's okay, I'll drive there myself, I want to make sure Lyla's settled before I leave her," Rachel spoke to Finn for almost half an hour before Lyla got tired of her play mat and began to wail for her mother's attention, and Rachel had to say goodbye.

* * *

The week passed quickly, and before she knew it Rachl was stood on Shelby's door step, Lyla in her car seat by her feet, her hand shaking as she reached for the bell. "Rachel, come in, do you need a hand?" Shelby greeted her daughter just seconds after she'd rung the bell.

"Do you want to take these?" Rachel held out the car seat Lyla was sat in and the changing bag, "I'll just get the rest of our things."Shelby nodded, taking the items from Rachel and placing them by the coffee table. "Where do you want me to put this?" Rachel asked gesturing to the buggy, "She can sleep in it."

"Oh, I hope you don't mind, but I got Will to bring Beth's Moses basket from the attic, I didn't know where you wanted her though, I don't mind having her in with me, if you wanted a night off?"

Rachel shook her head, "I'd rather have her in with me if you don't mind, I've only bought two bottles, I usually. . ." Rachel gestured to her chest.

Shelby smiled, "That's fine, I put it in the spare room anyway, would you like to put your things up there? It's the second door on the left, next door to the room that has 'Beth' on the door, you can hang you things in the wardrobe if you like, and the bathroom is opposite your room"

"Thank you" Rachel nodded, picking up her bag, "are you okay with her?"

Shelby nodded and tickled Lyla's stomach, "I think we'll be just fine."

Rachel had almost finished unpacking her small overnight bag, when she heard Lyla begin to whimper and moan downstairs. By the time Rachel got to the living room, Shelby was already sat on the floor, Lyla between her legs as she changed the young girls diaper. "I can't believe how small these are" Shelby gestured to the preemie sized diapers Lyla was still wearing, "how much does she weigh?"

"Six pounds and three ounces. Those diapers are meant to be suitable for babies up to six pounds, but the newborn ones still seem huge on her."

Shelby nodded, "she's a tiny little thing." The elder of the two women bit her lip for a moment as she lifted a clean and content Lyla into her arms, realising how little she knew about her 'family'. "How old is she?" she asked slowly.

"15 weeks and 4 days."

Shelby was shocked that Lyla weighed less at almost 4 months than Beth was when she was born, "you said she was premature. . ."

Rachel nodded, "Almost nine weeks early, she was three pounds two ounces, and fifteen and a half inches long. Her paediatrician says she's still on the small side, even when you take into account that she was born two months early, but she feeds well and she's putting on weight, even though it's only going on slowly, so they're not too concerned at the moment, the paediatrician thinks that she might have a huge growth spurt soon and shoot up the chart." Shelby nodded, happy that Rachel wasn't shutting her out.

Rachel spent the next fifteen minutes running through Lyla's routine, she put the bottles in the fridge and fitted the car seat into Shelby's car, 'just in case'. She showed Shelby how to open and fold the buggy, before leaving it open in the corner of the room for if Shelby wanted Beth to sleep downstairs. Shelby nodded in all the right places and allowed Rachel to explain how to wind the child without reminding Rachel that she'd done it all before.

"Where's Beth?" Rachel asked, once she'd finally finished explaining a list of emergency contacts.

"With Will, it's his dad's birthday, he drove down to his parents' last night and Beth insisted on going with him, they'll be back around lunchtime tomorrow. That'll be your date" Shelby smiled as there was a knock at the door. She reached over to the small table, passing Rachel a key before she had chance to open the door. "I usually head to bed around 11" Shelby explained, "don't feel like you need to rush back, me and this little lady will be just fine"

"Hey Rach" Finn held out a bunch of flowers as she opened the door, "you look awesome."

"Thanks" Rachel smiled shyly, taking the flowers from Finn and placing them on the side. "You be good for. . .you be a good girl" Rachel still wasn't quite sure how to refer to Shelby, "I'll see you later" she placed a kiss on her daughter's head before turning her attention to Shelby, "are you sure you'll be okay with her, I mean I've only ever left her with my fathers before, and even then I only went to the store, what if she won't settle or. . ."

"Rachel." Shelby interrupted, "we'll be fine, I have your number, and you gave me Finn's number, and Lyla's doctor's, and in a worst case scenario I can always ring Beth's doctor, but that won't happen, so you go out and have a great time, and if you get really worried then call me." Rachel nodded, surprised to feel tears filling her eyes as Shelby laid a comforting hand on Rachel's shoulder. "No tears" Shelby said sternly, "you'll ruin your make up" Rachel smiled, and thanked Shelby again before she was finally pushed out of the door, Shelby trying to ignore the shocked expression on Finn's face.


	12. Chapter 12

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** - Rachel

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

It had just gone 10 when Rachel let herself into Shelby's house. "Had a good night?" Shelby asked as her oldest daughter walked through to the living room.

Rachel nodded, "Yes thank you" she answered politely, her eyes scanning the room, "Where's Lyla?"

"She's sleeping in her buggy, I put her in the dining room, so the tv wouldn't disturb her, it's just through there." Shelby pointed to a dark room adjoining the living room.

"I should get her settled upstairs" Rachel spoke slowly, "thanks for watching her, did she go down okay?"

Shelby considered telling Rachel that Lyla was fine, but couldn't bring herself to lie to Rachel, they had enough problems as it was, they didn't need lies too, "She was a bit cranky. . ."

"Oh" Rachel began to panic, "you should have rung me, I'd have come straight home and . . ."

Shelby shook her head, interrupting Rachel, "Rachel, she was fine, I wrapped her up and took her for a walk, it always settled Beth, She took her bottle when we got back and fell straight to sleep, she's been down since about half eight."

"Thank you" Rachel repeated, "I should. . ." She gestured towards the dining room.

"Rachel." Shelby spoke softly as Rachel began to walk away, "Can we, can we talk?" she asked.

Rachel nodded, "Just let me. . ."

Shelby nodded, "okay."

Rachel walked quietly over to the buggy, smiling as she watched her daughter sleep soundly. "Sweet dreams" she whispered, bending to drop a kiss to Lyla's forehead. She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before returning to the living room. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah." Shelby spoke softly, "I think we need to."

"Okay" Rachel couldn't lift her gaze from the hardwood floor. "What do you want to talk about?"

Shelby shrugged, "you can sit down you know. I, I want you to feel at home here Rachel." Rachel nodded and glanced at the space on the sofa beside her mother, before walking over towards the empty armchair. "Rachel" Shelby patted the space beside her, "please?"

Rachel nodded and sat beside Shelby, trying to put as much distance between her and her mother as possible, "Why?" she finally broke the tense silence "how could you give me up? I mean since I had Lyla I couldn't imagine being without her, but giving her to someone else, and giving her to someone else and signing a legal document agreeing to have no contact with her are two completely different things, I don't, I . . ." Rachel paused, trying to get her thoughts in order, "I guess I want to hear your side of the story, I just want to understand."

Shelby nodded, she knew Rachel would have asked about the contract, about her reasons at some point, but she still wasn't prepared. "I signed the contract a couple of weeks after I found out I was pregnant" she tried to explain. "I was young, naive, I thought it would be easy, have baby, give baby away, get money, move to New York, be a star. Simple. Only it wasn't. The bigger you got, the more I felt myself falling in love with you. I waited for three weeks before telling Hiram and Leroy that I'd felt you kick. I liked the fact that for that small period of time I knew something about you that they didn't, I felt like you were mine. I only ever wanted what was best for you Rachel, your fathers did too, they made me move in with them after a while, they were convinced I wasn't sleeping, that it was bad for you. I didn't tell them that I laid awake at night talking to you," Shelby swallowed hard, failing to blink back the tears that had formed in her eyes, "I'd talk to you about anything and everything, stupidly hoping that you'd be able to remember enough to find me one day. It only got harder as I got closer to the day you were due. I lost count of the number of times I thought about running away, but I had no money, nowhere to go, and I was rarely left alone, so I began to pray that you'd be late, I'd have done anything to keep you with me for even the tiniest bit longer. You weren't though. I went into labour the day before you were due and you made your arrival at 4.26am on the date the doctors predicted. I didn't even get to see you Rachel" Shelby's voice quivered. "I felt you leave me, and you were wrapped in a towel and carried away, you were out of the room before you'd even taken your first breath. You were part of me for 40 weeks and I never even got to say goodbye, I never even got to say hello" Shelby's shoulders shook as tears rolled freely down her cheeks. "The next, the next day Hiram came to see me. He didn't say anything, didn't tell me you were okay, didn't thank me, I had to beg a nurse to tell me how much you weighed. He just gave me an envelope stuffed full of hundred dollar bills and left. I didn't want the money" Shelby paused reaching up to wipe away her tears, "I just wanted my baby. I wanted you Rachel, I wanted you so much, I've always wanted you."

Rachel too had tears streaming down her face, "why" she asked shakily, "why did you push me away, when I. . ."

"I was scared" Shelby admitted quietly, "scared of what your fathers would do if they found out, I was scared of you getting hurt, getting hurt because of me. I was already hurt and I didn't want you to feel that pain. Seeing you hurt me Rachel, it was the first time I'd ever set eyes on you, for 16years I'd imagined you to be a tiny baby, 6 pounds and 12 ounces. I imagined you'd have little tufts of dark hair and big green eyes, but that's not who you were, you were a beautiful young woman, I'd missed out on so much Rachel and it broke my heart. Half of you is me, but you were a stranger, and in a selfish way I thought it would hurt less if I pushed you away myself instead of having you taken from me again."

"And did it?" The look that crossed Shelby's face told Rachel it hadn't.

"No" Shelby whispered, "not at all, and I know you think I adopted Beth to replace you Rachel, but that's not true. No one could ever replace you. No matter what happened, what does happen, I'll always love you. It sounds stupid, but when Hiram and Leroy took you from that hospital, they took a part of me with them, a part of me I'd never get back no matter how many babies I adopted. I suppose in a way Beth helped me move on, something to focus on other than the huge gaping hole in my life where you should have been. I see you with Lyla Rachel and I get jealous, I hate the fact that we never got to be like that, that I never got to see your gummy little smile, that I never felt your tiny fingers wrap around mine. I know I've missed so much of your life Rachel, but I hope tonight means we can start again, that You'll let me get to know you, I want you to be in my life Rachel, even if you don't want a mother-daughter relationship that's fine. I just don't want to lose you again."

Rachel nodded, surprised Shelby had been so open with her, "I want, I, I, I don't know what I want" she sighed. "I don't want either of us to walk away from this. I want it to work, I'd never have asked you to watch Lyla if I didn't. But I don't know that I want this to be. I'd like to be able to tell people you're my mom, but right now I don't know if I can, I'm sorry."

"Hey" Shelby took Rachel's chin in her hands, forcing their eyes to meet, "you have got nothing to be sorry for. I never expected you to fall in to my arms and for everything to be perfect, it's going to take time." Shelby paused for a moment, tucking a strand of Rachel's hair behind her ears, "Maybe we could make this a regular thing, you and Lyla coming over, spending the night."

Rachel nodded, "I think we'd like that. Lyla seems to really like you." She yawned.

"C'mon" Shelby smiled pulling Rachel to her feet. "You're exhausted and it's gone 11. Get Lyla settled upstairs, get some sleep, and we can finish this in the morning."

Rachel smiled and stood to her feet, "Thanks" she smiled, unexpectedly pulling Shelby into a hug before going to fetch Lyla from the dining room and taking her to bed.


	13. Chapter 13

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"Rachel?" Shelby mumbled sleepily as she moved to stand in the doorway of the spare bedroom, watching as Rachel tried to settle the child in her arms, the child that had been screaming for almost half an hour.

"I don't know what's wrong with her" Rachel sobbed, "I fed her about an hour ago and she won't take any more, she usually goes straight down after a feed, her diaper's clean, what if she's ill, she was premature, they said it could take some time for her immune system to develop, do you think I should take her to the hospital?" Rachel panicked. Shelby said nothing before she walked away, causing Rachel to sob and begin to throw her clothes into her overnight bag.

"What are you doing?" Shelby asked, walking back into the dark room and flicking on the small bedside light.

"I, I thought after everything we said earlier..." she shook her head, "I told you I thought my baby was ill and you left, I can't let you keep doing that to me, I won't let you do it to Lyla." She once again began to rock the screaming baby in a vain attempt to calm her.

"Rachel" Shelby sighed, "I went to get this" she gestured to the thermometer in her hand, "I didn't. . .Rachel, let's just sort Lyla out, then we can talk." Rachel nodded and stopped her pacing, allowing Shelby to put the thermometer in Lyla's ear, "36.9" Shelby announced, "she doesn't have a fever."

"I don't know what's wrong with her" Rachel sobbed, laying Lyla in the middle of the double bed, sitting beside her and stroking her arm, "she never cries like this."

"You say you fed her a while ago?" Shelby asked after watching Lyla for a while.

Rachel nodded, "I fed her not long after I bought her up."

"Can I. . ." Shelby gestured to the wailing child after watching her for a moment.

"Please" Rachel nodded, "do you think I should ring her paediatrician?"

"Just give me a minute." Shelby leant across the bed and began to rub firm circles on Lyla's stomach. "Have you got a bib or a cloth or something?" Rachel nodded, rummaging through the changing bag and passing Shelby a pink square of cloth. "Come here little one" Shelby slid her hands under Lyla's arms, allowing the girl's body to stretch out as she was lifted from the bed. She laid the cloth over her hand before sitting Lyla on her knee, supporting her head with her left hand, using her right to gently pat on her back, it took a while, but finally Lyla let out a huge burp. "Is that better eh, do you feel better now?" Shelby continued to rub Lyla's back for a moment before wiping her mouth with the cloth. "There we are. All better" Shelby handed Lyla back over to Rachel, "She'll probably want feeding again" she gestured to the milk covered cloth.

"Wind" Rachel looked from Shelby to Lyla, "she had wind."

Shelby nodded, "It's common in babies, it can be really uncomfortable for them."

"I thought she was ill" tears began to roll down Rachel's cheeks once again, "I was going to ring her doctor, and all she had was wind. I couldn't even tell."

"Hey" Shelby reached for Rachel,

"I'm a terrible mother."

"No" Shelby said firmly, "you knew there was something wrong with her, you knew she wasn't just being cranky, you're learning Rachel, no one expects you to be perfect at everything."

"You knew" Rachel said bitterly.

"Rachel" Shelby sighed, "I'll let you into a little secret. Beth had the same problem, only I actually did ring the doctor at four in the morning, she kept curling her legs into her chest like Lyla was, as soon as the doctor knew that she said it was probably nothing more serious than trapped wind."

Rachel nodded, tears once again filling her eyes, "I'm sorry" she whispered, "for erm, for getting angry with you."

Shelby smiled and laid her hand on Rachel's arm, "It's okay" she said sincierly, "I guess this is going to take some getting used to, for both of us. But don't worry about it now get Lyla settled, and then try and get some sleep. We can start again in the morning."

"Will you stay with me?" Rachel whispered, scared Shelby would say no.

"Of course."

Rachel smiled at her mother and gestured to Lyla "do you mind if I. . .?"

Shelby saw Lyla nuzzling against Rachel's chest and shook her head, "no, of course not." They sat in silence for a while before Shelby reached out to stroke the top of Lyla's head softly as she fed, "I'm really proud of you" she admitted, "other kids would have panicked, maybe put their own wants and needs before those of their child, but you faced the challenge head on. Lyla's lucky to have you."

Shelby watched as Rachel settled Lyla and settled her in the pink Moses basket before climbing under the covers and closing her eyes, "night" she whispered, "and erm, thanks".

Shelby smiled and nodded "Night Rachel" she replied as she flicked off the light by the bed. Waiting until she was sure Rachel was asleep before brushing the dark hair from Rachel's face and whispering, "thanks for giving me another chance"


	14. Chapter 14

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

So, I suck at updating. I'll try not to leave it so long next time!

* * *

Rachel woke with a jump. It took her a moment to remember where she was, and after glancing at the clock she quickly jumped out of bed to check on Lyla, it had gone 9, and the latest the infant had ever slept was closer to 6.30. She ran down the stairs when she found the Moses basket empty, heaving a sigh of relief when she found Lyla in the living room with Shelby."What are you looking at smiler?" Shelby cooed over Lyla as she held the infant in a sitting position on her knee, Lyla giving Shelby a gummy grin as she enjoyed the attention she was getting. "Look who it is." Lyla's grin grew and her arms and legs began to flail wildly as Shelby lifted her so she could see Rachel. "Is everything okay?" Shelby asked as Rachel sat beside her, taking Lyla into her own arms, hugging her tightly.

"I erm, she wasn't in the Moses basket, I guess I panicked."

"I'm sorry" Shelby apologised as Rachel laid Lyla on the rug beneath a playbar, smiling as she spent a moment trying to grab at the brightly coloured toys before trying to suck on her own feet, "I didn't mean to worry you, but she woke early, I thought you might like to sleep a little longer, especially after last night."

"Thank you. Didn't she need feeding though?"

"Yeah, but she only had one bottle last night, I gave her the other one at about 7" I hope that's okay? Shelby was concerned she'd overstepped a line.

"No, no it's fine, she'll be getting ready for another feed soon." Shelby nodded, "would you be okay to watch her while I get dressed?"

"Of course, there are clean towels in the bathroom if you'd like to shower."

"Thanks" Rachel smiled gratefully before kissing Lyla and leaving the room.

* * *

Rachel returned from her shower and was surprised to find Lyla sat in a small swing, her head lolling to the side slightly as she drifted between sleeping and wakefulness. "Where did that come from?" Rachel asked, sitting beside Shelby, watching Lyla's eyes flicker as she desperately tried to fight sleep.

"I had it for Beth" Shelby explained, "some days it was the only place she'd sleep."

Rachel smiled, watching as Lyla's bottom lip began to quiver, wondering if she'd settle herself. I was only when she began to whimper that Rachel lifted her from the swing, and settled her at her chest, "are you hungry eh?" she whispered quietly, hoping not to wake the half sleeping child.

"You said she's nearly 16 weeks?" Shelby asked as she watched Lyla feed.

"Yeah" Rachel nodded, "She'll be 16 weeks on Wednesday, it's a bit strange to think she should only be7 weeks old."

"Have you thought about starting her on solids? I mean I know they tell you to try and wait as long as possible, but I started Beth on baby rice when she was 16 weeks, nothing else would fill her. It might help Lyla gain some weight."…

Rachel looked thoughtful, "I have thought about it, but I wanted to wait, you know, because she was early, I was going to talk to her paediatrician the next time I saw him"

"Okay" Shelby nodded

She was about to speak again when the front door opened and Beth ran in, "I'm home Ma-Rachel" she shrieked dropping her pink backpack on the floor before throwing herself on the sofa beside her sister.

"Beth" Shelby scolded, "be careful, Lyla's sleeping"

"Oh" Beth knelt up slowly, running her fingers over the sleeping baby's clenched fist, "Sowwy Mama, Sowwy Rachel" she bent down and kissed Lyla's forehead gently before whispering "sowwy Lyla"

"It's okay" Rachel smiled, have you had a good weekend?"

"Yep" Beth grinned, "Daddy took me to see Nani and Papi, There was cake and balloons and we singed happy birthday to Papi."

"Wow" Rachel grinned, "that sounds like fun"

"Yeah." Beth paused for a minute "Will you play with me?"

"Hey" Shelby interrupted as Rachel laid Lyla in the swing, "don't I get a hello? And where's Daddy?"

"Here" Will smiled walking into the house a large holdall in his hands, "Hey Rach, how are you?"

"I'm good thanks" she smiled

Meanwhile Beth had climbed onto Shelbys lap, wrapping her arms tightly around her mother's neck, "I missed you Mama"

"I missed you too baby, but I'm glad you and Daddy had a good time."

Shelby kissed Beth's head and Beth smiled, "Can I play with Rachel now?"

Shelby nodded, "If Rachel wants to play then you can go play."

"Do you?" Beth asked

Rachel looked to Shelby, "Am I okay to leave Lyla down here? I can take her with me if you and Will want some time alone, I mean I could take Beth to the park or something?"

"No, it's fine" Shelby smiled, "And anyway, I think someone wants a cuddle" she let her gaze wonder to Lyla sleeping in the swing, Will stood beside her watching her sleep.

"You can hold her if you like" Rachel smiled, watching Will's face light up as he lifted Lyla into his arms. "Come on Beth" she held out her hand, "let's go and play"


	15. Chapter 15

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"You're sure this is okay?" Shelby asked as Beth threw her arms around Rachel's leg, squeezing tightly.

"We'll be fine" she ruffled the blonde curls by her hip, "you've watched Lyla enough times, it's about time we returned the favour."

"Thanks" Shelby smiled, she and Rachel had slowly been building a relationship, and Rachel spent almost every weekend with her mother, they'd not yet told Beth that Rachel was her sister, but it was only a matter of time. "How is Lyla?"

"She's fine" Rachel smiled, "Finn's feeding her, come in and say hi ...if you've got a minute?" Rachel's dads were once again away for the weekend, however instead of spending the weekend at Shelby's, Rachel and Finn had offered to watch Beth to give Shelby and Will some time to themselves without the energetic toddler.

"I think I've got time to say hello." Shelby smiled, following behind Rachel as she led Beth through to the living room.

"Lyla" Beth squealed, running over to where the baby sat in a bouncer on the floor between Finn's legs.

"Nice one Kiddo" Finn wiped at his own face with an orange stained cloth before wiping Lyla's face too, both of them covered in an orange mush after she'd shrieked a greeting to Beth and Shelby.

"Carrot and sweet potato" Rachel explained, "she loves it"

"Good" Shelby grinned, "you can tell that she's put weight on" she told Rachel, before taking the excited baby from Finn. "Oh" She smiled as she bounced Lyla slightly, "you can really tell!"

"I know" Rachel smiled, "she's shot up since she started on solids, the doctor couldn't believe it, she weighed her on two different scales to be sure. She has the same amount of milk as before, but she has three meals too."

"Some days we struggle to fill her" Finn added wiping some dribble from Lyla's chin with the cloth he'd used to wipe the food from her face a few minutes earlier.

"And are those teeth I can see?" Shelby asked Lyla, peering into her mouth as she shrieked loudly.

Rachel rolled her eyes, "she's got three coming through all together, and don't we know it!"

"It could be worse" Shelby told them, "think of it as cutting down your sleepless nights by a third!"

"Yeah, but she's three times as grumpy!" Rachel argued jokingly.

"I don't believe that for a second" Shelby laughed, bouncing the babbling child in her arms, "shall I let you finish your dinner then?" she turned her attention to Lyla, kissing her hair before handing her back to Finn. "Are you sure you'll be okay?" Shelby asked Rachel again as she walked back towards the door.

"We'll be fine, honestly, don't worry about us, go and have a great night"

"Okay" Shelby smiled softly, hugging Rachel before bending down to speak to Beth, "you be good for Rachel and Finn yeah, and I'll see you in the morning baby." She tucked a strand of Hair behind Beth;s hear before kissing her forehead. "Love you"

Beth threw her arms around her mother, "Love you too mama"

"I'll pick her up around 11" Shelby told Rachel, saying her goodbyes again before finally leaving.

* * *

Finn groaned and felt Rachel shift beside him. "That doesn't sound like Lyla" he mumbled, sleepily rubbing at his eyes before glancing to the clock, 3.57am.

"Beth" Rachel gasped jumping from the bed and finding the young girl sobbing in the hall. "what's wrong Beth?"

Rachel pulled Beth into a hug and the young girl instantly wrapped her amrs around her older sister's neck. "I'm wet" she whispered.

"Is that all?" Rachel asked, trying not to make a big deal out of it, "that's nothing to make all this fuss about"

"I don't want to be a baby"

Rachel frowned, "you're not"

"Only babies wet themselves." Beth explained.

"Oh Beth" Rachel sighed, sitting the young girl on the bed as she pulled a clean pull up from the overnight bag, "you don't need these at home right?" Beth shook her head. "There we are then" Rachel smiled, leading Beth into the bathroom to clean her up, "you're not a baby, mummy just thought you might want to wear them tonight in case you woke up and couldn't find the bathroom, it's nothing to be upset about, you're just not used to where things are in this house."

"Mommy leaves the light on and the door open"

"Oh" Rachel cursed herself for not thinking to do that, "well when we're done here we can leave the door open and the light on for next time okay?"Beth nodded and yawned into Rachel's chest. "Come on" Rachel lifted her from the floor, "let's get you back into bed".

"Will you stay with me?" Beth asked as Rachel pulled the covers around her and made sure she had her teddy bear.

"Okay" Rachel sat on the bed beside Beth, "but only until you're asleep, then I'm going to get back in my bed okay?"

Beth nodded and the pair sat in silence for a while before Beth spoke again, "sometimes Mommy sings to me"

Rachel smiled as she absentmindedly ran her fingers through Beth's hair, "would you like me to sing to you?" Beth nodded again and a song instantly came to Rachel's mind, the same song she sang to Lyla when she wouldn't settle_, "Just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page, you have appeared to my life, feel like I'll never be the same. Just like a song in my heart, just like. . ."_ Rachel stopped singing as she heard Lyla wail from the next room. "Let me go get Lyla" she spoke softly to Beth, "then I'll be right back."

Rachel met a sleepy Finn in the hall, "is everything okay?" he asked before yawning loudly and pulling Rachel into his arms.

"Yeah" she sighed into his chest, "Beth asked me to sit with her until she falls asleep."

"Okay. Want me to get Lyla?"

Rachel shook her head, "she'll probably want feeding before she'll go back down. You go back to bed, I won't be long."

Finn kissed the top of Rachel's head, "come get me if you need anything" he told her, kissing her again before padding back towards Rachel's bedroom.

"And there's me telling everyone how good you were at sleeping through the night" Rachel smiled, lifting Lyla from the crib, the baby calming almost as soon as she heard her mother's voice. Rachel carried Lyla through to the guest room and settled herself on the bed beside Beth before beginning to feed the hungry baby. "Are you okay?" she asked Beth, as usual the young girl was completely fascinated by Rachel breastfeeding.

"Tired" Beth whispered.

"Go to sleep then. I'll be just across the hall when you wake up, you can come straight in."

"Okay. Love you Rachel"

Rachel smiled, "love you too Beth."

"I love Lyla too"

Rachel smiled again, "and Lyla loves you too"

* * *

Finn rolled over in his sleep and reached out an arm, only for it to be met with cold sheets and not Rachel's warm body. He frowned and stretched out his arm to check she wasn't laid on the edge of the bed. The baby monitor played nothing but silence telling Finn Lyla wasn't awake, in fact he couldn't even hear her breathing and quickly pulled himself out of bed to check on her. After finding Lyla's crib empty he moved to the guest bedroom. The sight before him made his heart melt, Rachel laid in the middle of the bed, her left arm holding Lyla to her chest, her right around Beth, the young girl curled into Rachel's side.

He stood in the doorway just watching her for a while before going to fetch his phone and taking a picture of the sleeping trio. It was as if someone had wiped a fog from his eyes and for the first time he was seeing Rachel as a woman, a mother. He hoped one day that he'd be part of that scene, that it would be Lyla curled in between him and Rachel, and a child that was biologically part of both of them would be sleeping in Rachel's arms.

"Rach" He crouched down beside the bed and shook her shoulder gently, "Rach"

"Mmm" She took her hand from Lyla's back and reached out to Finn.

He took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles, "it's 4am, are you coming back to bed?"

"Comfy" she mumbled, shifting slightly closer to Beth and tugging on Finn's hand, "get in" She pulled her towards him and he had no choice but to climb in beside her, the lack of space meaning he had to lie on his side, almost mirroring Beth's position. "s'better" Rachel smiled, and Finn was unsure as to whether she had woken or if she was talking to him in his sleep. He smiled as she moved her hand back to rest on Lyla's back, her fingers intertwined with his meant he too could feel every breath the baby took, along with the slight up and down movements she made every time Rachel inhaled or exhaled. He leant over to kiss first Lyla then Rachel before closing his eyes and thinking that for the first time in his life that his father would be proud of him.


	16. Chapter 16

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

Only a short update, but it seemed like a good place to end. I've got most of the next part already written, so if you're lucky I might be able to update in the next couple of days.

* * *

"How about Ayden and Mackenna for the duet?" Rachel suggested as she sat in Will's office after glee practice, trying to help him come up with a short list of songs for the upcoming regional's contest.

"Really?" Will raised an eyebrow, "I was thinking Tyler and Abbie"

Rachel shook her head, "I think Ayden and Mackenna would sound great together, maybe not a traditional ballad though" she began to rummage through the sheet music spread across Will's desk. "Katy Perry" Rachel exclaimed, pulling out the music for 'if we ever met again' by Timbaland and Katy Perry, "She's perfect for Mackenna". Rachel then pulled 'fascination' by Alphabeat from the array of papers, "and this would be a great group number, it's so upbeat, the audience won't be able to stay in their seats, and for the solo, how about going against the grain, have a boy do the solo, Ryan could do Michael Buble" she once again began to dig though the papers.

"Rach" Will grabbed her wrist to stop her, "we've got plenty of time, we'll speak to the kids next week, see if they've got any ideas too. I want them to have some input"

"Yeah" Rachel smiled letting go of the papers she was holding, "I guess you're right".

"I can't believe how big she's getting" Will gestured to Lyla as she slept in her car seat on the end of his desk.  
Rachel smiled, unable to resist talking about her daughter, "She's pretty good at holding her head up now, and she's almost mastered sitting up, but obviously we put cushions around her just incase she looses her balance. And she rolls over too, but she's not managed a full 360 roll, she usually rolls from her back to her stomach and then cries for someone to turn her over. I know that she should be doing a lot more by now, but I have to keep teminding myself that while she's nearly eight months old, she really should only be four and a half, five months old, so in that respect I think she's doing pretty well".

"Yeah" Will agreed, "but you're her momma, what else would you expect?" he joked as Lyla whimpered slightly and shifted in her sleep before settling herself. "My mom once told me that I slept with one eye open until I was about three" he laughed.

Rachel smiled, "She does that too sometimes, I always wondered where she got it from."It was only as Will's face fell that Rachel realised what she'd said, clamping her hands to her mouth she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean. . ."

"Rachel" Will said sternly, "please tell me she's not. . .you said. . . oh God Rachel"

"I, erm, we should go" Rachel grabbed Lyla and bag before she did the only thing she could think of, she ran.

* * *

"Please, Please just go in" Rachel was crying so hard she couldn't clip Lyla's car seat into the base in the car.

"Rachel?" she broke down at the kindness in the older woman's voice, "Rachel, is everything okay?"

She put Lyla on the seat beside the base and slid to the floor, her body shaking as she sobbed.

"Rachel" Will yelled her name as he left the building. "Rachel wait"

"I need to go" Rachel once again began trying to secure Lyla's seat.

"Rachel, come inside, we can talk about whatever it is that's upsetting you, you can't drive like this."

Rachel nodded "okay" she watched as Emma lifted Lyla's car seat from the car, before taking her keys and locking the car, guiding Rachel past Will and back towards her office.

"What's gotten you so worked up?" Emma asked, "is everything okay with the little one?"

Rachel nodded, "it's not Lyla" she paused for a moment, "it's, it's her father." Emma said nothing, allowing Rachel to tell her in her own time. Rachel shook her head, "it doesn't matter"

"Rachel" Emma spoke softly, "I know you're not a student here anymore, but the rules still apply, unless I think you or someone else is in danger, or you tell me someone has committed a serious criminal act then nothing you say will leave these four walls."

Rachel nodded, "I know." Emma said nothing and Rachel took a deep breath, chewing on her lip for a moment before admitting her daughter's paternity for the first time, "she erm, she's Will's"


	17. Chapter 17

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

Emma's jaw dropped in shock, "W, Will?" Rachel couldn't lift her gaze from the floor as she nodded slowly, "wha. . .I mean I know how" Emma mumbled, "but, but, he's a teacher, you were his student."

Rachel shook her head, "I wasn't, not when we. . ."

Emma's next question slipped out before she'd even thought about it, "When?"

"About a week before I moved to New York, I had a party. . ." Emma nodded, she too had been invited to the party, but already had other plans. She couldn't help but wonder if she'd have been able to change things had she gone. "Don't get me wrong" Rachel spoke again, "I love Lyla so much, but. . ." she shrugged, "we were both drunk, I tripped, he caught me, the next thing I know we're undressing each other in the downstairs bathroom. It's not really a great start to anyone's life is it?" She paused for a moment, glancing at her sleeping daughter, "I mean I wasn't even going to tell him, it just sort of slipped out, and I know I should have told him as soon as I knew, I know that I'm just as bad as his ex wife by not telling him, but. . . "her eyes filled with tears and she shrugged again, slumping in her chair drained of all her energy.

Emma sighed, her heart going out to the young girl, "You are nothing like Terri. Your situation is completely different, you didn't let him get his hopes up about something that was never going to happen, you didn't break up his relationship" Emma's face fell, "You know he's with. . ."

"Shelby, yes, I know." She said dryly, rocking the car seat with her foot as Lyla began to wake, "I should, erm, she'll be getting ready for a feed."

Emma nodded, "if you ever need to chat Rachel" she scribbled something down on a post it note, "I'm always here"

Rachel glanced at the sheet of yellow paper, finding Emma's office, home and mobile phone numbers, "thanks" she smiled, leaning down to pick up Lyla's car seat.

"Any time Rachel" Emma grabbed her bag, "I'll walk out with you."

"Rachel, Rachel wait." Emma and Rachel turned to find Will jogging towards them.

"I'll talk to him." Emma told Rachel, turning towards Will as Rachel carried on towards her car. "Leave her Will" she said firmly.

"She just told me that she's had my daughter Emma, I need to talk to her."

"Will" Emma sighed, "She's scared and confused. She needs time to get her head sorted, to think things through, forcing her to talk won't get you anywhere. Let her come to you when she's ready."

"I've got a daughter Emma. Rachel has had my child, and her sister calls me daddy. How fucked up is that?"

Emma sighed, "When are things ever simple?"

"My girlfriends daughter had my baby Emma. What the hell am I going to do?"

Emma shrugged, "You can't tell Shelby Will. If Rachel finds out you've breathed a word of this to that woman then she'll never trust you."

* * *

"I need to talk to you" Rachel clicked her phone onto speakerphone, calling Shelby as she began to drive.

"Now? is everything alright Rachel?"

"Now, please, I'm on my way over, I have to tell you something, I don't think you'll like it, but I need you to hear it from me."

"You're worrying me Rachel, is everything okay?"

Rachel bit her lip, "I'll be 10 minutes" she said before hanging up.

Slightly worried about the conversation Rachel wanted to have with her, Shelby packed a few of Beth's favourite toys into a bag, and took her next door, paying the teenage daughter of her neighbours a large amount of money to watch Beth for the evening.

"Rachel" Shelby answered the door before her eldest daughter had chance to ring the bell.

"You might want to sit down" Rachel was straight to the point.

"Rachel please. . ."

Rachel bit her lip, pacing the room before her mother, Lyla sleeping in her arms.

"Rachel, I. . ."

"She's Will's" Rachel interrupted her mother.

"She. . .what!"

"Will is Lyla's father, biologically speaking."

"I, I don't" Shelby was lost for words.

"I'm sorry"

"Was he. . ." Shelby thought back to a conversation with Rachel the first time they'd been reunited, "was he your first?"

"No" Rachel couldn't look Shelby in the eye, "no he wasn't."

"Can you go please?" Shelby's voice was emotionless.

Rachel nodded, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, you didn't know I was with him. . . did you?"

"Of course not, if I'd have even suspected he was with anyone, it would never have. . ."

"Okay."

Rachel paused by the door, "I know you probably hate me right now, and that I've got no right to start making demands, but no matter how angry you are with me, please remember that Beth and Lyla have done nothing wrong, I still want you and Beth to be a part of Lyla's life, even if you don't want to be part of mine, and I hope you'll still allow me to see Beth?"

Shelby stood to her feet, walking over to Rachel, cupping the girl's cheek with her hand, "I'm not, I'm not angry with you Rachel, I, I just need time to. . .it's not your fault, you weren't to know, please don't blame yourself. I'll call you, I promise, but I'd rather you weren't here when Will gets home."

Rachel nodded, "I love you Mom"

Shelby choked back more tears, it was the first time Rachel had told Shelby she loved her and the first time she'd called her mom. "I love you too baby, I love you so much." She kissed her daughters cheek, before bending to drop a kiss onto Lyla's forehead. "I'll ring you tonight. I promise"

Rachel nodded, turning briefly to face her mother as she left the house. "I'm sorry" she repeated, climbing into her car and driving home.

"It's me" Will called, pushing the door open just 10 short minutes after Rachel had left. "What the. . ." He staggered backwards, his hands clutching his face as Shelby's open palm connected with his cheek"  
"Get out" Shelby threw a large bag at Will, "get out get out get out."

"Shelby, I. . ."

"You slept with Rachel" she hissed, "not only did you cheat on me Will, but you cheat on me with my own fucking daughter and then, and then" she laughed sarcastically and shook her head, "you father my grandchild."

"I didn't know" he whispered

"You knew you slept with her Will, you knew you'd cheated on me, you knew" she covered her face, failing to hide the tears falling from her eyes. "I don't even remember you going to a party at Rachel's"

"I. . .We weren't together, we'd had an argument, you'd taken Beth to your parents, the kids had won nationals, they were all about to go their seperate ways, Rachel was having a party, she asked me to go along."

"She was your student Will, whether she'd graduated or not you were still in a position of authority. I can't believe you, we. . .oh God Will, you slept with me after you slept with my daughter. If we were married you'd be Lyla's grandfather too, I'd be her stepmother and her maternal grandmother. I can't believe we just went back to normal, that you could just carry on knowing you'd slept with Rachel."

Will saw a tear roll down Shelby's cheek, "I. . ."

"I can't listen to your excuses Will, not now"

"Shelby please, I never . . ."

"Please" Shelby interrupted, "just go."

"What about Beth?" he asked quietly.

Shelby shrugged, "I don't know Will. I can't think about that right now, please can you leave now."  
Will nodded, "I love you"

Shelby shook her head, "don't you think you've already lied to me enough?" she whispered sadly as she closed the door in his face.


	18. Chapter 18

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

Rachel sighed as she lifted Lyla from the car, "I suppose we better tell Pappy and Granddad eh?" she ran her index finger over Lyla's nose, "I'm glad you're so little, hopefully you won't remember a thing." She took a deep breath before lifting the changing bag onto her shoulder and walking into the house.

"Hi Rayray, you're home late" Hiram called from the kitchen.

"Yeah. . ." Hiram knew straight away that something was wrong with his daughter.

"Is everything okay Rach?" he asked walking from the kitchen.

"Is Dad home?" she asked

"In the study, what's wrong Ray?"

Rachel nodded, "I'm going to put Lyla upstairs, could you get him please, I need to tell you something and I'd rather tell you both together." Hiram frowned as his concern grew for his daughter, but he said nothing, instead nodding and watching Rachel walk up the stairs before going to find his husband.

"I erm, I want to talk to you about Lyla's father" she said slowly, not lifting her eyes from the table as she sat before her fathers in the kitchen.

Leroy's head shot up, "Is he back? Does he want to see her?"

Rachel shrugged, "I don't know, but he knows he's her father, I, I just wanted you to know in case you started hearing any rumors, I wasn't entirely truthful with you, it's not someone I knew from summer school."

Hiram reached across the table and took Rachel's left hand in his, prompting Leroy to take hold of her right. "Rayray" Hiram spoke softly, "do we know him?" Rachel still didn't look up, and instead nodded slowly "and does he have a name?" Rachel remained silent.

"Sunshine" Leroy squeezed Rachel's hand, "you know we love you, no matter what happens, no matter who that little girl's father is, you'll always be my Sunshine, that baby upstairs, she'll always be my Lylaberry, we'll still be here."

"His name's Will" Rachel failed to hide the quiver in her voice, "Will Schuester."

Both Hiram and Leroy were understandably shocked, "When" Hiram asked, counting on his fingers as he tried to work out when his granddaughter was conceived, "were you still his student?"

"No, no it was just before I left for New York. I'd graduated"

"The party" Leroy didn't ask, he stated a fact. Rachel nodded before Leroy spoke again, "does Shelby know?"  
Rachel nodded again, "I, Will, I let it slip today, I knew I'd have to tell him sometime, but it just slipped out, I went to tell her straight away, I wanted her to hear it from me."

"And is she. . ." Leroy didn't even know what he was asking.

"She's upset. She said she was angry with Will, but not with me, she said she'll ring me later, I don't know if she will, I don't blame her if she doesn't. I told her that even if she wants nothing to do with me, I still wanted her and Beth to be a part of Lyla's life."

"And Will?" Hiram asked.

Rachel shrugged, "it's up to him, I can't stop him seeing her, he has rights."

"Does anyone else know?" Leroy asked softly.

"You, Shelby and Emma Pilsburry. I think I want to tell Finn too."

Leroy squeezed Rachel's hand. "Go and see him Sunshine, get yourself some fresh air, clear your head, daddy and I will watch Lyla.

"Thank you" Rachel forced a smile as she stood from the table, "I won't be late home."

Leroy hugged Rachel, followed closley by Hiram, "You take as much time as you need Sunshine, we're not going anywhere and there are bottles in the fridge for Lyla right?"

Rachel nodded, "Yeah, we were going to spend the night at Shelby's before. . .before all this" Rachel's voice shook as tears once again began to fall from her eyes, "Shelby sometimes takes Lyla in with her to give me the night off, even though I usually wake anyway" she explained, "but now. . ."

"Oh Rayray" Hiram embraced his daughter again, "I'm sure Shelby just needs time to get her head around this, if she doesn't ring you tonight then maybe you should go see her after the weekend, when you've both had time to calm down."

"Daddy's right Sunshine, this was a shock for me, I can only imagine how Shelby felt, but what she says is right, Will is in the wrong, he knew he was in a relationship, he knew who he was in a relationship with. You didn't" Leroy kissed Rachel's head before continuing, "go see Finn, but if you don't feel like telling him right now you don't have to, we wont say anything, and then when you come home we'll order take out and watch funny girl okay?"

Rachel nodded, "Thank you". She whispered, hugging both her fathers again before leaving the house.

* * *

She decided against driving, and slowly walked towards Finn's house. She sighed when she saw Carol's car in the driveway beside Finn's truck and almost lost her bottle, but she took a deep breath and knocked firmly on the door. "Rachel" Carol smiled, "are you on your own?"

"Yes" Rachel whispered, "my fathers are watching Lyla, is Finn in?"

Carol took a moment to look at the young woman stood before her, "Is everything okay?" That was all it took for Rachel to break down again falling into Carol's open arms, "Oh Rachel" she sighed, half carrying Rachel into the house, rocking her the way she rocked Lyla, "I'll go fetch Finn" Carol spoke softly once Rachel had calmed, "but if there's anything I can do Rachel, if you ever need someone to lend you an ear, you know where to find me."  
"Thank you" Rachel spoke for the first time since she'd entered the house.

"I mean it" Carol said firmly before going to fetch her son.

* * *

"Okay" Finn shrugged after Rachel had revealed Lyla's paternity.

"Okay?" Rachel frowned, "aren't you mad?"

"No" Finn frowned too, "why should I be?"

"I've just told you that our old teacher is my daughter's father and all you say is okay. I thought. . ." Rachel shrugged, she wasn't entirley sure how she'd expected him to react.

"It doesn't change anything" Finn stated simply, "so why should I be mad? It's not like I can do anything about it."

"It doesn't change anything? Really?"

Finn shook his head "why should it? I mean I've always known that Lyla's not mine, now I know whose she is. It's not like you've been telling me she's mine and now you're telling me she's not. This hasn't changed anything between us."

"It hasn't? But what if Will wants to see her, what if he demands DNA tests and visitation rights and, and?"

Rachel began to panic, her breath coming in short gasps as tears filled her eyes.

Finn placed his hand on Rachel's back, "Calm down Rach, if he wants a dna test then we'll do whatever it is we need to do, and if he wants to spend time with her" Finn pulled Rachel into a warm embrace, "then it just means we get more time to spend together" he smiled, kissing her forehead, "because as much as I love Lyla, now and again it's nice to not have to worry about her crying when we're in the middle of something" he smiled, trying to cheer Rachel up slightly.

"Thanks" she smiled softly as Finn wiped away her tears with his thumbs, "for being so understanding".

"Anytime" Finn smiled, "do you want me to walk you home?"

Rachel shook her head, "I'm okay thanks. I think I'm going to ask my dad's to watch Lyla tonight, I think I just need some time, y'know, to think things over."

Finn nodded and walked Rachel to the door before kissing her softly, "Okay, but if you want anything you can ring me, you know that right?"

"Yeah" Rachel sighed before Finn kissed her again.

"I'll ring you in the morning. Make sure you're okay." Finn told her, walking with her to the end of the drive.

"Okay" Rachel nodded, "I'll see you soon."

"Rach" Finn called after her as she negan to walk away. "I love you."

Rachel smiled as she turned to face him, "I love you too Finn".

Finn sighed as he turned to walk back into the house, he'd never seen Rachel so upset, and he wanted nothing more than to hold her and tell her everything would be okay, but he respected the fact that she wanted space. He just hoped that she'd be all right.


	19. Chapter 19

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"Urgh" Shelby groaned as she woke, she rubbed her eyes as she tried to work out where she was before realising that she'd fallen asleep in Beth's bed, and her mobile was ringing in her pocket. She quickly flipped it open without looking at the display before Beth could be woken. "Hello" she mumbled sleepily.

"I'm sorry" Rachel mumbled, "I'm so sorry"

"Rachel?" Shelby stood from the bed, tucking Beth in and walking into her own room, "are you okay?"

"I'm sorry" Rachel repeated.

Shelby sighed, "I told you darling you've got nothing to be sorry for, if anything I should be the one apologising, I promised I'd ring you but I fell asleep with Beth"

"I'm, I didn't, I, I'm sorry" Rachel sounded confused and disorientated and Shelby became increasingly concerned about her daughter.

"Rachel, is everything okay?" she asked again.

"I'm sorry."

"Rachel, I'm coming over, promise me you won't do anything stupid" Shelby didn't care about the time, Rachel's behaviour was scaring her and she needed to see her, to reassure her she had nothing to apologise for, and she quickly threw a hoodie on over the jeans and t shirt she'd fallen asleep in and slipped her feet into her shoes.

"I'm sorry"

"I love you Rachel, I'll see you soon." Shelby hung up the phone, dialing Rachel's home number as she lifted Beth from her bed and ran out to the car.

"Berry residence" came the sleepy reply,

"Leroy, it's Shelby."

"Shelby?" Leroy noticed Hiram quickly sit up beside him, "is everything okay?" He knew Rachel was trying to build a relationship with the woman, but couldn't understand why she'd be ringing at almost 3am.

"I, Rachel, I said I'd ring her, but I fell asleep. I need you to make sure she's okay Leroy, I'm on my way over, but I think she's done something."

"What!" Leroy flew out of bed, down the hallway as Shelby explained.

"I promised I'd ring Rachel but Beth, she was being clingy, I laid down with her to try and settle her, I must have fallen just rang me, she kept saying she was sorry over and over, I'm worried about her, she thinks this is all her fault, I've told her I don't blame her, I don't Leroy, I don't blame her for anything." She heard him call Rachel's name, she heard him tell her he was coming in if she didn't reply but there was no response.

Leroy had never known Shelby be anything but calm and collected, she must be incredibly worried, "her door's locked" He heard Shelby sob before throwing himself at the door, it took three attempts before the wood splintered and the door crashed out of the frame. "Rachel" Shelby heard Rachel's familiar sobs and heaved a small sigh of relief, however Leroy's next comment almost killed her, "how many of these have you taken Rachel?"

"I'm sorry" Rachel repeated over and over again.

"It's okay sunshine, it's okay" Leroy allowed Rachel to sob into his chest, still holding the phone in his left hand,"Hiram" he called, "I need you to get me an ambulance and then open the door for Shelby, she's on her way over"

"Mommy?" The single word almost broke Shelby's heart

"She's right here Rachel" Leroy passed the phone to his daughter, "She's coming over."

"Rachel" Shelby was frantic with worry, "Rachel talk to me, tell me you're okay, I love you Rachel."

"I'm sorry mommy."

"Rachel, you've got nothing to be sorry for okay, I don't hate you, I love you, I love you Rachel, it took me almost 20 years to get you to be a part of my life, I'm not loosing you now, you need to stay strong until the paramedics arrive, can you do that for me?"

"Sing."

"You want me to sing to you?"

"She's nodding." Leroy told Shelby.

Shelby drummed her fingers on the steering wheel for a moment trying to think of an appropriate song, as she cursed the traffic lights, the streets were empty but every light was on red. It was as she sped away from one set of lights that she thought of a song. "_This is a crazy world, these can be lonely times, it's hard to know who's on your side, most of the time. Who can you really trust, who do you really know, is there anybody out there, who can make you feel less alone, sometimes you just can't make it on your own. If you need a place where you can run, if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll always be your friend. When you need some shelter from the rain, when you need a healer for your pain, I will be there time and time again. When you need someone to love you, here I am_." Shelby raced through the deserted streets, she didn't care about getting a ticket, she just needed to get to her daughter.

"She's being sick" Leroy told her, "I'm going to put you on speakerphone, will you keep singing to her, it seems to have calmed her down."

"_If you have broken dreams, just lay them all on me, I'll be the one who understands. So take my hand_" Shelby said nothing, focusing on the lyrics to her song and the road ahead as she heard Leroy comfort Rachel, "_If you reach emptiness, you know I'll do my best, to fill you up with all the love, that I can show someone. I promise you you'll never walk alone_." She sighed with relief as she eventually pulled onto the Berry's drive, surprised that the paramedics weren't already there.

She continued with her song as she moved to lift Beth from the car, jumping slightly when the door to the house flew open, "Leave her" Hiram said softly, "I'll take her inside, you go to Rachel"

Shelby nodded, passing him her car keys as she flew through the house and up the stairs "_Well if you need a place where you can run, if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll always be your friend_." She only ended the call as she dropped to the floor beside Rachel, allowing the pale girl to fall drowsily against her "_when you need some shelter from the rain, when you need a healer for your pain, I will be there time and time again, when you need someone to love you, here I am_." She rocked Rachel, dropping soft kisses to her head as she finished the song. "I'm here Rachel, I'm here." She sobbed, her tears falling freely onto her daughter.

Shelby was surprised when she felt Leroy lay a comforting arm on her back, "come on" he pulled her to her feet, smiling sadly as the paramedics entered the room, "let them do what they need to do."


	20. Chapter 20

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

I seem to be on a roll with this fic at the moment! And this part's a bit short, but the end seemed like a good place to break it up, the next part is longer.

* * *

It was almost an hour and a half later when Leroy woke Shelby, she'd not even been asleep for half an hour when the doctor came into the waiting room, asking for the relatives of Rachel Berry, "The doctor's here" he explained as Shelby lifted her head from Leroy's shoulder. Shelby nodded and stood to her feet, the night had been a blur, she remembered standing in the hallway outside Rachel's room with Leroy while the paramedics worked on her daughter, and she vagueley remembered Leroy telling the paramedics that Rachel's mother would be riding in the ambulance and he would follow behind in his car, but after that her mind was blank.

"She's through here" The doctor lead them down a corridor coming to a stop outside Rachel's room, "the amount of pills she took wasn't enough to do any lasting damage, and it seems most of the medication had left her body before she arrived at the hospital. We'll want to keep her under observation for a few days and she'll need to speak to a therapist before she leaves, but physically she'll make a full recovery, she might feel a little bit ill for a few days, but that's to be expected and we've given her a mild sedative to help her sleep through 'til morning."

Leroy thanked the doctor before pushing the door open, "Oh Rachel" Shelby burst into tears again as she saw her daughter's pale body lying under the covers, an iv line in her left arm and a heart monitor bleeping away slowly but steadily beside her bed.

"Hey, it's okay, you heard the doctor, she's going to make a full recovery, she'll be fine." Leroy pulled Shelby into an unexpected hug. "I need to let Hiram know what's going on" he said once Shelby's sobs had calmed, "do you want to stay with her?" Shelby nodded, "Okay. Where are your keys?"

Shelby frowned as she moved to sit in the chair by Rachel's bed, "my keys?"

Leroy nodded, "I'll bring you some clean clothes, and I'll need to get some things for Beth" He held his hand up to stop Shelby speaking, "you're Rachel's family, you can stay with us until she's back on her feet, and while she's in here we can take it in turns, one of us can sit with Rachel, one of us can rest, the other can watch Beth and Lyla.

Shelby gasped, "Lyla, I'd forgotten about her, is she okay? And Hiram took my keys when he got Beth out of the car"

"Okay" Leroy nodded again, "and Lyla's fine, she's with Beth and Hiram, now you try and get some rest, and ring me when she wakes up, either Hiram or I will be back before lunch."

Shelby nodded, "thank you Leroy." Leroy said nothing, but kissed Rachel's forehead, brushing her hair from her face before giving Shelby's arm a reassuring squeeze and leaving the room.

"Oh Rachel" Shelby sighed, taking Rachel's hand in hers and running her thumb over the back of Rachel's hand. She sat in silence for a moment before slipping off her shoes and laying on the bed beside Rachel, wrapping her arms around the sleeping girl. _"Little girl don't be so blue, I know what you're going through, don't let it beat you up. Hitting walls and getting scars, only makes you who you are, only makes you who you are. No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking._" Shelby allowed her eyes to close, her voice nothing more than a whisper as she sung to Rachel, sleep slowly overcoming her. "_When you're broken, in a Million little pieces. And you're trying, but you can't hold on any more, every tear falls down for a reason, don't you stop believing in yourself, when you're broken_" Shelby yawned, she was just about to give in and allow her body the sleep it so desperately needed when she felt something move beside her. "Rach?" her voice was thick with sleep.

"Mom" Rachel's voice was hoarse.

"I'm here Rach, I'm here." Once again Shelby's eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry mom"

"Hey" Shelby reached out to wipe away Rachel's tears, "You've got nothing to be sorry for Rachel, but promise me, promise me you'll never do anything like this again."

"I promise Mom"

"Okay then" Shelby kissed Rachel's cheek, "I think we could both do with some sleep, your dad said he'd be back before lunch."

Rachel nodded, snuggling into Shelby and closing her eyes. "Mom" she broke the silence a few moments later."

"Yeah"

"Thanks"

Shelby smiled and squeezed Rachel's hand, "Just make sure I don't have to do it again, and Rachel?"

"Yeah?"

"Go to sleep"


	21. Chapter 21

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

Shelby woke the next morning as Rachel shifted beside her, she smiled as the younger brunette tried to snuggle closer to her mother, and Shelby ran her free hand through Rachel's tangled hair. "I didn't mean to wake you" Rachel whispered, rolling over to face Shelby.

"You didn't" Shelby smiled and brushed Rachel's hair back from her face before kissing her forehead. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Nauseous" Rachel sighed, "and I've got a bit of a headache."

Shelby nodded not making any attempt to loosen the tight embrace she had with her daughter, "the doctor said you might feel rough for a while."

"I'm sorry" Rachel whispered, "about Will, about. . .about everything."

"Hey" Shelby wiped at the tears rolling down Rachel's cheek, "don't blame yourself Rachel. What happened with Will wasn't your fault, I know you say that you didn't stop him, but you'd been drinking, he was the adult Rachel, he was your teacher, he knew he was in a relationship, he should never have taken you into the bathroom, but he did, and to be honest I'm kind of glad he did." Rachel looked puzzled, "because if he hadn't" Shelby continued, "you'd never have had Lyla, we wouldn't have met in the diaper aisle, and we wouldn't have been able to get to know each other like we have. Some things happen for a reason Rach, you need to look for the good things that came out of what happened."

Rachel nodded, "Lyla."

"Exactly" Shelby smiled, "and if you'd not had Lyla you wouldn't have got back with Finn either."

Rachel nodded, but Shelby could tell she wasn't convinced, "you didn't ring" she said softly, "I thought you were angry with me"

"Never" Shelby kissed Rachel's damp cheek, "I love you Rachel, last night I wanted us to be able to talk for as long as we needed to, so I figured I'd wait until Beth was asleep, but she wouldn't settle so I got in with her, but I guess I fell asleep. I put her to bed at 7.30, and the next thing I knew you were ringing me at 3am."

"Sorry"

"Stop apologising Rachel, you have got nothing at all to be sorry for, but if it ever happens again, that I don't call you when I said I would, you call me, chances are I've fallen asleep on the sofa or I'm trying to sort Beth out before I speak to you so she doesn't interrupt us. If anything I should be the one apoloogizing. I let you down last night Rachel, I wasn't there when I said I would be. I want you to trust me Rachel."

"You came though, when I called."

"Of course I did Rachel, I was so scared, and I don't ever want to go through anything like that again, not with you or Beth." Rachel nodded and Shelby continued, "I don't want another phone call from you because you've hurt yourself okay?" Rachel nodded, Shelby was right, Rachel had already put her through enough, she shouldn't have called her. "In the future" Shelby's voice shocked Rachel, she thought her mother had finished speaking. "In the future I want you to ring me as soon as those thoughts enter your head okay?" Rachel nodded slightly, "I don't care if you don't think you'll act on them, the second any thoughts of harming yourself at all come into your head I want you to ring me or find one of your fathers okay? I don't care how vague the thought is, I don't care if it's 4am, I don't care if it's 5 minutes after you've left my house, you speak to one of us. If you need me to I'll come over and spend the night, or I'll come pick you up and take you back to my house. I know it sounds selfish Rachel, but I'd rather sit up all night talking to you or holding you while you cry than sit in that waiting room praying to whoever's listening that you'll be okay."

Rachel nodded before taking a deep breath and speaking so quietly Shelby barely heard her, "I've still been thinking about it."

"Okay" Shelby hadn't expected the conversation to come so soon, "what have you been thinking about?"

Rachel shrugged, "ending it all, I don't know how, I just think I'd be better off. . .especially now."

Shelby bit her lip and bit back tears, "what do you mean especially now?"

"Everyone thinks I'm crazy, they'll lock me up, take Lyla away. . ." Rachel began to sob into Shelby's chest.

"No one is going anywhere" Shelby said firmly, "the doctor said last night that you would need to see a therapist before you left, they're going to keep you in here for a few days just to make sure there are no physical problems, and then you'll probably have regular appointments with a therapist for a while. They want to help you Rachel."

"What if they say I'm an unfit mother?"

"They wont. You never tried to harm Lyla did you?" Rachel shook her head and Shelby continued, "When you're home they'll probably send someone out from social services, just to check that you're okay and that you're coping with Lyla. And if the worst comes to the worst you would probably be able to give temporary custody to me or your dads, or even Finn if you wanted to. People want what's best for you and Lyla, and they try to keep young children with their families wherever possible. They wont take her away Rachel."

"I'm scared"

"I know you are darling, but we're going to concentrate on getting you better, but when you're back home I think the two of us need to find a babysitter and sit down with your fathers and have a bit of a chat about things okay?"

Rachel nodded "yeah"

Shelby smiled and wiped away Rachel's tears, "you look tired"

"I am" Rachel admitted, "My head feels really heavy."

"The doctor gave you a sedative to help you sleep last night" Shelby explained, it's probably not worn off fully yet, go to sleep, you'll feel better when you wake up".

"Don't go" Rachel begged, her grip on Shelby tightening slightly.

"I'm not going anywhere" Shelby promised as Rachel closed her eyes.

That was how Hiram found them an hour later, Rachel curled into Shelby as she slept soundly, Shelby absentmindedly playing with Rachel's hair as she hummed softly to the sleeping girl.

"How is she?" Hiram surprised Shelby, she'd not heard him enter the room.

"Physically she's okay I think, she said she felt a bit nauseous earlier, and she's still sleepy from the sedative, but mentally" Shelby shrugged, "she's scared and confused."

Hiram pulled a chair from the corner of the room to beside the bed, "what is she scared of?"

"Mainly she's worried that she'll loose Lyla"

"What did you say when she told you that?" Hiram asked

"I told her the truth. I said it was very unlikley that anyone would take Lyla anywhere, but in a worst case scenario, you and Leroy or I would probably be able to get temporary custody of her. I told her the most likley situation was that she'd have a couple of visits from a social worker just to make sure she was coping all right."

Hiram nodded, "thank you. And thank you for staying with her, would you like to go home for a while? Shower and get some proper rest."

Shelby nodded and shook Rachel gently. "I promised I wouldn't leave, I don't want her to wake up and find me gone" she explained before shaking Rachel again and calling her name. "Rachel, I'm going to head home for a while" she said softly, "your daddy's here and I'll come back and see you later."

Rachel's eyes fluttered open, "promise you'll come back?"

Shelby took Rachel's chin in her hands, "Rachel, I'm not going to abandon you" she said firmly, "I'm probably going to stay home for a while with Lyla and Beth so your dad can come visit too, but I will come back okay."

"Okay" Rachel nodded.

"If I still wasn't wearing the same clothes I put on almost 30 hours ago I'd stay longer, but I really need to shower" Shelby smiled trying to lighten the mood, "but I promise I'll come back."

"Okay. I love you" Rachel hesied for a moment, looking from Hiram to Shelby before whispering "Mom".

"And I love you too Rach. I'll see you later".

Hiram walked out of the room with Shelby passing her his car keys, "Leroy had you put on our insurance, we thought it would be easier to just use one car."

"Thank you" Shelby said sincerely, "how's Beth?"

"Fine" Hiram smiled, "she was a bit confused when she woke up, but we told her Rachel was sick and you were looking after her, then Leroy told her that he'd made pancakes and that was all she was bothered about. She was still in her pyjamas when I left, laid on the floor playing with Lyla"

"Thank you for watching her."

Hiram shook his head, "Rachel wanted you, watching Beth was the least we could do." Shelby's stomach rumbled loudly, "I think you need to go and see if Beth left any pancakes for you" he smiled, turning back into Rachel's room without another word.


	22. Chapter 22

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

"Momma" Beth grinned, flinging herself at Shelby as soon as she walked through the door. "Is Rachy better yet?"  
"Not yet" Shelby crouched down to wrap her arms around Beth, "She's got to stay in the hospital for a few days but she'll be home soon baby."

"Uncle Leroy said I can make her a card later to say get better soon, can I really Momma?"

"Of course you can. I bet she'd love that" Shelby smiled.

"I'm gonna do my bestest colouring Momma, I won't go over the lines or nothing."

"That sounds wonderful Bee" Shelby saw Leroy lurking in the kitchen. "How about you play with Lyla for a little while longer so I can talk with Uncle Leroy, then we'll see about making that card."

"Okay" Beth kissed Shelby's cheek before skipping off into the living room, leaving Shelby to speak to Leroy.

"Coffee?" He asked as Shelby flopped exhaustedly into a chair.

"Please" she nodded, "milk 2 sugars."

"Regular or Soya milk?" Leroy asked taking both cartons from the fridge.

"Regular's fine".

It was only once both adults had a mug of steaming coffee in their hands that Leroy asked the question he'd been dying to ask since Shelby walked through the door. "How's Rachel doing?"

Shelby sighed and placed her mug on the table. "She said she felt a bit ill when she woke up, a headache and nausea. But she's so broken Leroy. I didn't know what to do. When she woke, I know I said I'd ring you, but she was so upset, she's convinced she's going to loose Lyla, and she kept beggging me not to leave her. She fell asleep again and I had to wake her when Hiram arrived, just so I could reassure her I wasn't leaving for good. She blames herself Leroy. She thinks because Will's Lyla's father I'm going to leave her and not come back."

Leroy took a deep breath, "you're not are you?"

"God no" Shelby was shocked he would even suggest that. "Do you really think that I'd have sped over here at 3am if I was just going to up and leave a few days down the line? I love her Leroy, I love her so much, but she's hurting, she told me the first time we met that when she got upset you and Hiram would give her a glass of water, but a glass of water won't fix it this time."

"I know" Shelby didn't even realise she was crying until Leroy stood and passed her the kitchen roll, "she's a strong girl though, I have every faith that with time and love and support she'll get through this."

Shelby nodded, "I know it must be hard for the Hiram and you too, if you want me to leave, you just have to say the word, I'm never going to walk out of Rachel's life unless it's what she wants, but if you need your own space, I don't mind going back home."

"Shelby" Leroy spoke firmly. "I can't speak for Hiram, but we owe you so much. Rachel needed someone last night, and for whatever reason she didn't feel able to speak to either Hiram or me about it, but she felt able to call you. Rachel called you at 3am and you were there for her Shelby, I can't. . ." the usually strong man began to tear up. "I can't even bring myself to think about what would have happened if she hadn't have felt like she could turn to you, or if you'd brushed it off and told her you'd speak to her in the morning. Rachel needed you and you were there" he repeated, "and I'm under no illusion that she's going to need you, need us all a lot over the coming weeks and I think it would be better, for Rachel's sake if we were all together, that way if she wants you to comfort her she doesn't have to wait for you to come over, or vice versa if she's with you and suddenly decides she wants Hiram or myself we'll be in the next room, not 20 minutes away. Hiram and I are happy for you and Beth to be here as long as Rachel needs you here, or until you get sick of my cooking" Leroy tried to lighten the mood.

Shelby nodded, "Thank you. I spoke to Rachel earlier, I probably should have spoken to you and Hiram first, but I told her that when she was back home and feeling better I think we need to sit down as a family and talk through some things. I think Rachel's carrying a lot of emotional baggage, and if we sit down and let her know that we're all here for her as a team, as her family, I think that would help her open up a bit more." Shelby paused for a moment, "I think right now she's scared of opening up to me, it's like she thinks you'll be angry if you found out she'd told me something she hadn't told you. We need to let her know that bottling things up isn't okay, but talking to any or all of us is okay."

"Yes" Leroy nodded, "I'd do anything if it means we don't have to experience something like last night again."

"I think she has a lot of questions about the surogacy too." Shelby said quietly, "I've told her what I know, but I think it would be good for her to know that it's okay to talk about it, to ask questions, and when it comes to reasons and feelings I think we all need to be 100% totally honest with each other and not worry about upsetting someone or making someone angry."

"I think we can agree with that. If we're talking to her about it, I want her to have the truth." Leroy's voice changed, "I think Hiram and I owe you an appology too, I know hindsight's 20/20, but the contract, we. . ."

Shelby shook her head, "Leroy" she interrupted, "it's in the past, let's keep looking to the future yeah?"

Leroy nodded, "Yeah" he smiled slightly, "But I still want to thank you, "Rachel & Lyla are the best things that happened to me, I wouldn't have them if it wasn't for you."

Shelby smiled and tipped her head to rest on Leroy's shoulder, "Thanks for letting me get to know them" .

"Momma" they were interrupted by Beth running into the kitchen before skidding across the tiled floor in her socks. "Lyla's cry. . .oh Momma, you're crying too."

"I'll go sort Lyla out" Leroy told Shelby,smiling reassuringly at her before leaving the room.

Shelby lifted Beth to her lap. "Are you really sad Momma?" Beth wiped at Shelby's damp cheeks with her tiny fingers, "is it cos Rachy's sick? cos you said she'd be better soon."

Shelby nodded, "Yeah baby, she will be, I'm just tired, I didn't sleep a lot last night and you know that you get cranky when you're tired."

"Go take a nap then" Beth said matter of factly, "Uncle Leroy said we were going to have a sleepover here."

"Yeah, we're going to stay until Rachy's better. And I think I am going to lie down for a bit, do you want to come?"

Beth shook her head, "I'ma go watch tv with Uncle Leroy and Lyla, but I still loves you Momma. And Rachy and Lyla loves you too, and I think Uncle Leroy and Uncle Hiram loves you too."

"I love you too Bee." Shelby smiled as Beth slipped from her lap.

"See you later Momma" she grinned. "Sweet dreams"

Shelby smiled as Beth skipped from the room, and it was at that moment that she made up her mind. She was finally going to tell Beth that Rachel was her sister. 


	23. Chapter 23

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

* * *

True to their word Shelby and Rachel's fathers visited almost constantly, it was Sunday evening and Rachel was laid in the bed with Shelby. Rachel had her head on Shelby's chest and Shelby was running her fingers gently through Rachel's hair, they'd spent the past couple of hours talking about anything and everything but had now slipped into a content silence.

That was until Rachel's phone began ringing and vibrating on the table by the bed. "It's Will" Rachel's face fell as she glanced at the offending item.

"Do you want me to get it?" Shelby offered

"Do you mind?"

Shelby shook her head and held out her hand, answering the phone once Rachel passed it over. "Hello"  
"Rachel?"

"Close, it's Shelby"

"Shelby?" Will sounded puzzled

"Yes Will, Shelby, we lived together until two days ago, you can't have forgotten me that quickly."

"Where's Rachel?"

Shelby held her hand over the mouth piece, "do you want me to tell him?" Rachel nodded before Shelby spoke to Will again, "She's in the hospital Will."

"What?" Will interrupted before Shelby could explain, "What happened, is Lyla okay?"

"She's fine, she's with Rachel's fathers. Rachel took an overdose on Friday night."

"Oh my God." Will was shocked, "is she okay?"

"She's fine" Shelby repeated, "she's being discharged on Tuesday."

"Oh, right. . ." Will paused for a moment, "I wanted to talk to her about Lyla."

"I don't really think now's a good time Will"

"I know, will you ask her to call me when she's feeling a bit better."

"I'll tell her."

"Okay, bye Shelby."

"Will" Shelby spoke before he had chance to hang up.

"Yeah?"

"Beth is fine thank you for asking, she's misses you but she's getting better."

"Shelby I. . ."

"I'm going to stay with Rachel and her fathers for a while, a week or two at least, can you make sure your stuff is out of the house by the time I get back."

"Shelby"

"Goodnight Will" Shelby hung up before Will had the chance to speak again.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked as Shelby placed the phone back by the bed.

"Yeah" Shelby smiled and kissed Rachel's forehead, "he wanted to talk to you about Lyla, I said I'd ask you to ring him when you're at home."

Rachel nodded, "do you think I should speak to a lawyer?"

Shelby continued playing absent mindedly with Rachel's hair before she shook her head, "not yet" she finally decided, "talk to him first, it would be better for everyone if you can sort this out between the two of you."

"If he wants to come over, to talk or to see Lyla or something, would you be there?" Rachel asked quietly.

"If you want me there." Rachel nodded, "I'll stay in the house, but I'll not be in the same room unless you feel like you really need me there."

"Thank you."

"It's okay" Shelby smiled, "don't worry about him for now, you just worry about getting better" she said before kissing Rachel's forehead softly.

* * *

It wasnt until Monday afternoon, after her therapy session, that anyone other than her parents came to visit. "Come in" she called after hearing a knock on the door, expecting it to be one of the many doctors or psychiatrists that she'd seen coming to 'talk' again. She didn't expect for the door to open slightly, and for Lyla's head to poke through the gap, the young girl beginning to babble loudly, kicking her arms and legs as a smile lit up her face, excited to see her mother. "Lyla" Rachel gasped, her smile growing as Finn pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

"Hey" He dropped the changing bag and empty car seat to the floor before handing Lyla to Rachel and kissing her softly. "How are you feeling?" he asked, sitting on the bed beside Rachel.

"Better now I've seen this little one" Rachel smiled running her fingers over Lyla's chest."

"Fine" Finn pouted, "nice to see you too" he joked.

Rachel smiled, "I don't usually see you every day" she reasoned, "but you know I like spending time with you."Finn smiled and said nothing, instead putting his arm around Rachel and pulling her into him, content to sit in silence with the two girls he loved. "Finn, I, I need to talk to you." Rachel broke the silence a while later once Lyla had fallen asleep in her car seat. She couldn't look him in the eye as she began her well rehearsed speech. "You know I love spending time with you, and you're great with Lyla, and I know we never actually said anything, but we both know we've not just been friends for a long time." She told him, referring to the fact that they spent most nights sleeping in the same bed, their bodies intertwined as Lyla slept in the room next door. "But I think right now, us being 'just friends' would be for the best, and I'm not saying that because I don't want to be with you because I do, but I need to get my head sorted out more, I need to figure things out, and I don't think I'd be able to be the girlfriend you deserve whilst I do that."

She slowly raised her gaze to meet his, and Finn nodded, disappointment obvious on his face. "Okay." He said slowly, "All I want is for you to be happy Rach, and if that means we're only friends, then we can just be friends, but I wanted to talk to you today too, and it's not really the sort of thing friends would say to each other, but if you don't mind I'd still like to do it?" Rachel nodded, Finn had listened to her, it was only fair she listened to him. "My heart stopped when Shelby rang me Rachel, I couldn't breathe when she told me what you'd done. The thought of loosing you, loosing you both" he glanced to Lyla before shaking his head, "I don't know what I'd do without you, so I erm, I made myself one of those five year life plan things, but I understand you want space, you want time to sort yourself out, that's fine, I can make it a ten year plan, fifteen, whatever." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper, handing it to Rachel, watching as she unfolded the note and began to read.

_1. Ask Rachel to Marry me_  
_2. Marry Rachel?_  
_3. Take Rachel and Lyla out of Lima_  
_4. Have at least 1 more child_  
_5. Talk to Rachel about adopting Lyla_  
_6. Adopt Lyla?_

"I know that last one might be a bit difficult now, cos like Will might say no." He began, "but I don't want to plan my future Rach, I want it to be ours" he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box, "I was hoping to cross number one off my list today, but I still want to give you this Rach" He opened the box to reveal an antique diamond ring, "my dad's dad gave it to my Gran, my dad gave it to my mom, and then it got passed on to me, he told me I'd know who I had to give it to. I want you to have it Rach, as a promise that I'll wait, I'll wait however long you need me to, and if for whatever reason things don't work out, you decide you're too good for me, whatever, I want you to wear it to remind you that I'll always be here for you, wherever you go, even if you're a world famous Broadway star and I'm still a Lima looser, if you need someone all you have to do is call me, I'll be there Rachel." He slipped the engagement ring onto the ring finger of her right hand before looking up at her and noticing the tears rolling down her face. "Oh Rachel" Finn sighed, "you don't have to wear it, you can take it off, I just thought. . ."

Rachel shook her head and placed her hands over his. "It's beautiful Finn, I don't have anything to give you, but I promise you too, I promise you that one day we'll cross all those things off your list, in fact" she took a deep breath, "you can cross number five off already, I don't know about the technicalities, there's no father named on her birth certificate, but when we're married and settled, and if it's possible I would love for you to be able to cross number six off your list. And even if it's not legally possible" Rachel whispered softly, "Will might be her father, but in my eyes you'll always be her daddy Finn."

Finn smiled, "Thanks Rach." They sat in silence for a while before Finn dropped a kiss to Rachel's head as she yawned, "go to sleep" he told her.

"Stay with me?" She mumbled sleepily.

"Always" Finn promised, laying with Rachel, allowing her to snuggle into him as she drifted off. He waited until he was sure she was completely asleep before kissing her damp cheeks, wishing he could kiss away all the pain, wishing he could simply kiss Rachel better. "I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I will never do you wrong" he sang softly, hoping that Rachel would still want to be with him when she was feeling better.


	24. Chapter 24

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

Sorry for the delay in updating but things in real life haven't been too great and I haven't been in the mood for writing but here's an extra long piece to hopefully make up for that.

* * *

For Rachel Tuesday couldn't come soon enough, she wanted nothing more than to be at home with her daughter. "Anyone would think you didn't want to get out of here" Shelby broke her from her thoughts as she handed Lyla over to Rachel.

"Momma let me see her" Beth nudged past Shelby's legs before running into the room, climbing onto the bed and squeezing Rachel tightly, "I've missed you Rachey, are you all better now? Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy let me sleep in your bed but they said they're going to get me my own bed now you're going to be sleeping back in your bed and they've said I can sleep in Lyla's room" she babbled excitedly.

"Both your fathers had to work" Shelby explained, "and she's been asking me since 7.30 when we're going to be picking you up."

Rachel smiled and nodded, "so you're going to be sharing a room with Lyla eh?"

"Yep" Beth nodded, grinning proudly.

"I said she could share with me" Shelby told Rachel, "But your dad's wouldn't hear of it."

"Of course not" Rachel smiled, "you're a big girl aren't you?" she asked Beth, "you want your own bed."

"Yeah, and Mommy snores"

Shelby gasped, "I don't know how you dare young lady, you snore like an elephant!"

Rachel smiled, watching the exchange between Shelby and Beth. At one point she was sure she would have been jealous of the young girl but now she was simply glad she got to share in their joy.

"Come on then" Shelby finally stopped arguing with Beth over who snored the 'mostest', "let's get you home".

Lyla had woken Shelby just after 6am, and Beth hadn't slept much longer, so Shelby wasn't surprised when both girls fell asleep on the way back to the Berry's house. "I want to tell her that you're her sister" Shelby told Rachel, "I want you to be there though, I'm going to be completely honest with her, and I thought if she asks questions about the adoption, about Noah and Quinn, you might be in a better position to answer them than I am."

Rachel nodded, "I'll try my best"

"Bee, come sit with us baby, we want to talk to you." Shelby smiled as Beth came into the living room where she and Rachel were watching tv.

"What mommy."

"You know how I told you Lyla grew in Rachel's tummy before she was born because Rachel is Lyla's mommy?" Beth nodded, "Well before Rachel was born she grew in my tummy, because, because I'm Rachel's mommy."

"Okay."

"That means Rachel is your big sister."

Beth's face lit up, "Wow, really?"

"Yeah" Shelby nodded.

"So how comes she doesn't live with us then?"

"Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy wanted a baby, but daddies can't have babies so Rachel grew in my tummy and then I gave her to Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy when she was born." Shelby tried to explain the surrogacy as simply as possible to the young girl.

"Did I grow in your tummy too?" Beth asked the question Shelby had been dreading.

"No you didn't." Shelby paused for a moment, "after Rachel was born I got sick, and the doctors said I wouldn't be able to grow any more babies in my tummy."

"Whose tummy did I grow in?" Beth interrupted.

"You grew in Quinn's tummy" Rachel told her.

"Quinn was still at school" Shelby took over the story again, "she knew she wouldn't be able to give you all the things she needed so she gave you to me, like how I gave Rachel to Uncle Hiram and Uncle Leroy because she knew I'd be able to get you everything you needed."

"So I've got two mommies?" Shelby nodded and Beth spoke again, "a tummy mommy and you." She smiled before asking, "have I got two daddies too, like Rachel?"

"Yeah" Shelby nodded, "you have."

"I've got some pictures of them upstairs if you'd like to see them?" Rachel offered.

Beth nodded before turning her attention back to Shelby."Can they come to my birthday?"

Shelby nodded, "we can invite them yeah."

Shelby had been surprised at how accepting Beth had been. Part of her thought that she was too young to understand that she was adopted, but the other part of her was glad she wasn't going to have to deal with Beth finding out when she was older and being angry that Shelby had kept it from her. Beth looked at Rachel's photos of Quinn and Puck and was reminded that if she wanted to know anything else she just had to ask, and then the subject wasn't mentioned again.

Rachel spent the rest of the week in the house. It wasn't until Saturday afternoon that Shelby convinced her to go out for a while and Rachel decided to go and visit Finn.

Rachel raised her hand to knock on the door before remembering that Carol, Burt and Finn had all told her several times that there was no need to knock, that she could just walk straight in, so she did. Lyla had fallen asleep on the drive over so Rachel laid her on the sofa, placing cushions around her and on the floor to stop her falling and soften the blow if she did roll off before heading upstairs to find Finn. She heard the music blaring from his room so didn't bother to knock, she pushed open the door and saw Finn, half naked with a naked blonde between his legs. She shut the door quietly and crept down the stairs, scooping Lyla into her arms and walking back to her car.

It was only once Lyla was securely strapped into her seat that the tears Rachel had been holding back began to pour down her cheeks. "Rachel?" Her tears only fell harder as Carol slipped into the passenger seat, Rachel hadn't seen her pull onto the drive, "is everything okay?" Rachel shook her head and Carol reached out an arm to try and comfort Rachel, "what's wrong sweetheart?"

"Finn" Rachel choked through her sobs, "I went up, i didn't knock, you said I didn't have to" Carol nodded, "there was music so I just opened the door and. . ." she shook her head, "he said he loved me" Rachel glanced to her ring finger, "he said he wanted to marry me".

"Rachel" Carol frowned, "I don't understand darling."

"There was another girl there" Rachel whispered, "they were naked, I didn't, I couldn't, he doesn't know I saw."

"He was what?" Carol was fuming. "Wait here" She stormed from the car before Rachel had a chance to reply. "Finn Hudson get down these stairs right this instant, and bring that girl with you." Rachel heard her yell up the stairs.

"Mom. . .What. . .Oww!" Finn was shocked when his mother's hand connected with his cheek.

"You" Carol pointed up the stairs to where the blonde was peeking round the banister in nothing but Finn's shirt and her underwear, "get some clothes on, get out of my house and don't ever come back. As for you" Rachel heard her turn her attention back to Finn, "I am so disappointed in you Finn. Go into the kitchen, and as soon as she's out of my house I want you to go upstairs, I'm so angry with you right now I don't want to see your face."

"But Mom"

"But Mom nothing" Carol had stopped yelling, so Rachel could no longer hear her, "Did you not stop to think about Rachel and Lyla? Do you not think the girl's been through enough lately?"

"How, Rachel doesn't. . ."

"Rachel walked in on you Finn, she's sat in her car right now crying her eyes out."

"I need to see her."

"No Finn" Carol stood in the doorway, "you've done enough damage for one day."

"Who are Rachel and Lyla?" the blonde asked, she'd obviously been listening on the stairs.

"Not that it's any of your business" Carol spat, but Rachel is his fiancée and Lyla is their daughter."

"She's not really mine" Finn added quickly, "I'm just. . ."

He was cut off by another slap from Carol, "I don't know how you dare Finn I really don't. I don't know what to do with you right now, frankly I'm ashamed to say you're my son. Get up to your room, I'm going to go and make sure Rachel's okay."

Carol made sure the blonde had left before walking back out to Rachel's car. "I'm so sorry Rachel" she whispered, "I thought he was better than that, I obviously went wrong somewhere."

"No" Rachel whispered, "it's not your fault, you didn't make him do anything."

"I know, but I'm his mother, I should have. . ."

"No" Rachel shook her head again, "please don't blame yourself, if anything it's my fault, he said he'd wait for me, I obviously pushed him for too long."

"If it's not my fault then it's definitely not yours" Carol reasoned, "if he wanted something you weren't ready for, he should have been honest with you."

"I called my mom" Rachel whispered, she's coming over to pick me up, I didn't want to cause an accident."

Carol nodded, "would you like me to stay 'til she gets here?"

Rachel shook her head, "I'm sure you have much better things to be doing, but please" she slipped the ring from her finger, "could you give this back to Finn please."

Carol shook her head, "keep it."

"I can't do that, Finn said it was his father's, a family heirloom."

"Finn's father gave it to me, I want you to have it Rachel, save it for Lyla if you don't want to wear it."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, Finn's father would have loved the two of you." Carol took a deep breath, "would you mind if I popped in to see her now and again? I've got used to having her around."

Rachel nodded, "of course, I would never stop you seeing her, you can tell Finn that if he wishes to have time with her I'll sort something out with him, Lyla adores Finn and I'm sure he feels the same way. I won't use her to punish him. . . What?" Rachel saw Carol's face drop.

"I'm going to be honest with you. That girl heard me mention you and Lyla to Finn and she asked who you were, I said you were his fiancée and Lyla was your daughter, yours as in yours and Finn's, I thought that's how you were going to bring her up."

"We were" Rachel confirmed, "he wanted to adopt her."

Carol sighed, "he was very quick to tell her that Lyla wasn't actually his child."

"Oh" Rachel sighed, "right."

"I'm sorry Rachel."

"No no, he's right, I was the one that chose to keep her, she shouldn't be a burden on anyone else."

"Rachel" Carol's voice was firm, "he knew when he began the relationship that you and Lyla came as a package, he agreed to be a father figure to her, he was the one who suggested adopting her, you did not burden him."

Rachel said nothing until she saw Shelby's car pull up across the street, "my mom's here."

"Okay" Carol smiled stepping from the car and waiting for Rachel to do the same before pulling her into a hug, "take care of yourself Rachel, and remember, if you need anything, you can ring me, day or night."

"Thank you" Rachel nodded, stepping from the embrace and turning towards Shelby.

"Thanks for staying with her" Shelby smiled to Carol, "I'm gonna get her home now."

"It's not a problem, I just wish my son wasn't such an idiot" Carol sighed before saying her goodbyes and entering the house.

"Why is Daddy here?" Rachel asked, noticing for the first time that Hiram was stood at the bottom of the drive.

"He's gonna drive your car home" Shelby explained glancing into the back seat, "We'll leave Lyla there okay?"

Rachel spent the rest of the evening curled into the sofa, she noticed that one of her parents was always in the room with her and she was glad about that, she had completely withdrawn into herself and she was worried about where her mind would go if she allowed it to wander. Instead she forced herself to focus on the television, and it was only when she heard Shelby announce she was going to bed that she glanced at the clock and found it was 11.30, she thought it was only around 7. "Where's Lyla?" she panicked as she realised she'd not seen her since she got in Shelby's car.

"In her room" Shelby told her, "I put her down at about 8, just before I bathed Beth."

"Oh."

"Come on" Shelby pulled Rachel to her feet, "you look exhausted."

Rachel allowed Shelby to walk her up to bed. Shelby waited for Rachel to change and use the bathroom before sitting on the end of the bed, "come wake me up if you need anything" she said firmly, "I don't care what time it is."

"Okay" Rachel nodded as Shelby pulled the covers around her.

"I love you, and if I don't see you in the night, I'll see you in the morning. And I mean it Rach, come get me if you want anything."

"Thank you" Rachel whispered as Shelby flicked off the lights and left the room.

Shelby laid in bed listening to Rachel, she'd already heard her check on Lyla four times, go downstairs three times and use the bathroom twice. It was as Shelby heard Rachel leave her room yet again that she decided enough was enough. "Rachel" she met her daughter on the landing, "enough."

"Sorry" Rachel whispered, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't wake me" Shelby said truthfully, "I haven't slept yet, and from the sounds of it neither have you."

"I can't sleep" Rachel admitted, "every time I close my eyes I see him, I see her, I thought he loved me mom, I thought he loved Lyla"

"Oh baby" Shelby held Rachel close as she began to sob, "I know you love him, but honestly, if that's how he's going to treat you you're better off without him."

"I know, but I can't help think that it's payback, I made Will cheat on you, so someone's made Finn cheat on me."

"No" Shelby said firmly, "you did not make Will cheat, you didn't know Will was in a relationship, Finn knew he was in a relationship, Finn and Will both knew what they were doing Rachel, none if this is your fault."

"How can you. . .after what Will did, how are you not furious with me, I mean I don't even know that girl's name but I hate her."

"Because I love you Rachel" Shelby reached out and wiped away Rachel's tears with her thumbs, "and yes I loved Will, but I love you more, I will never love anyone as much as I love you, Beth and Lyla. You're my daughter, nothing you could ever do would make me hate you okay?" Rachel nodded, "Right then" Shelby wiped at Rachel's tears again, "I think it's time for bed, we both need to sleep before Beth and Lyla wake up."

"What. . ." Rachel was confused as Shelby lead her into the guest room that had become her mother's bedroom.

"I can't trust you to come and get me when you need to talk, so for tonight you're sleeping here so I'll know if something's wrong. That, and I know you're a big girl now but I thought you might appreciate some cuddles with your mommy."

Rachel smiled, "thank you."

"It's okay" Shelby returned the smile before lightly smacking Rachel's behind, "now get in that bed and get to sleep. No" she shook her head as Rachel got into the bed, "that's my side." She laughed as Rachel rolled across the bed pulling all the covers with her, "and I think you'll find those are my covers" she said sternly, yanking the covers off Rachel and wrapping them around herself. She saw Rachel pout slightly and lifted the covers, "come on then" she smiled wrapping her arms around Rachel and kissing her temple, "lets get some sleep". 


	25. Chapter 25

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

Sorry for the delay in updating but things in real life haven't been too great and I haven't been in the mood for writing but here's an extra long piece to hopefully make up for that.

* * *

Rachel woke the next morning to find herself alone in the guest bedroom. She crept down the hall and found Lyla's cot and Beth's bed empty, her fathers weren't in their room and as she glanced out of the master bedroom window she noticed her car was the only one on the drive. She sighed as she climbed back into the guest bedroom, curling her knees to her chest as she clung tightly to the pillow her mother had laid on just hours earlier, her scent still fresh on the soft fabric. If Rachel closed her eyes she could almost believe she was cuddled up to the woman herself but she wasn't, she was alone. She'd known all along that it was only a matter of time until everyone left her. Finn had already gone and now her parents had left her too and they'd even taken her daughter, not that she blamed them she knew she'd been a terrible mother lately.

She pulled herself to her feet and slowly walked into the bathroom, "you're a mess" she spat at the mirror on the wall "it's no wonder nobody wants to be near you" she told her reflection before reaching out to the cupboard on the wall. She sighed, she knew she'd promised Shelby that she'd speak to her if she ever thought about doing anything like that again but Shelby had promised she'd never leave again and she had. Slowly Rachel left the bathroom, she took her phone from her bedroom before once again curling into what was now Shelby's bed. She dialed the familiar number and was surprised to find tears spilling from her eyes when Shelby didn't answer and her call went to voicemail, "Mom" she tried to hide the quiver in her voice, "it's me, Rachel, I, I" she shook her head, "never mind" she whispered before hanging up and allowing the tears to fall from her eyes.

"Rach, I'm back are you up yet?" Shelby called quietly, not wanting to wake the girl if she was still sleeping. "Sorry I missed your call, I was driving, is everything okay?." She walked into the bedroom to find Rachel sobbing into the pillows, "Rach" she sat beside her on the bed, "baby what's wrong?" She began to rub Rachel's back and was surprised when Rachel pulled away. "Rachel."

"You left, you promised me you'd never leave again but you did and then I called you because I needed you and you didn't answer."

"Oh baby" Shelby laid on the bed and pulled Rachel towards her, not allowing the girl to pull away, "I didn't leave, I had to take Beth to school, I thought you'd still be sleeping when I got back, but I left you a note." She reached over the shaking girl to retrieve a folded sheet of paper from the night stand.

Rachel sniffed and accepted the paper, unfolding it and reading the words in Shelby's tidy script, '_Rach, it's 8.30 and I'm going to take Beth to school, I'm going back to my house to get some more clothes and check the mail but I shouldn't be longer than an hour'_ Rachel glanced at the clock, it was now 9.24. '_Hiram and Leroy are taking Lyla our for the day and they're going to fetch Beth from school this afternoon so we can spend the day together, I thought we could go to the spa but it's entirely up to you. I didn't want to wake you, you looked so peaceful and I thought after last night you could do with the rest. All my love Mom xx'_

"I didn't see it." Rachel confessed.

"I guessed as much" Shelby said softly, reaching for the tissues by the bed before wiping at Rachel's tears, "if I could do anything to prove to you that I'm not going anywhere I would. I wish I could Rachel, I hate seeing you like this because of what I've done."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise baby. I'll tell you what I told your dad, if I was planning on walking out and leaving you I wouldn't have sped over here last Friday getting who knows how many tickets because you needed me. I love you Rach and I'll be here, in this house for as long as you need me, and even when Beth and I leave I'm still going to be there for you Rach whenever you need me I'll be there. I know I didn't answer when you called but I was on my way back, I thought It would be quicker for me to come home than it would be to pull over and call you back."

"I'm sorry."

"I've told you, you don't need to apologise to me , now let's dry your eyes and decide what we're going to do with our child free day" she smiled wiping again at Rachel's eyes, "I thought we could go to the spa, get a manicure and pedicure, maybe a massage. You said you'd not had time to have your hair cut since before Lyla was born. We could do that too. Or we could go to the mall, go shopping, grab some lunch, see a movie. Whatever you want as long as it gets you out of the house."

"Do you think we could go to the spa and the mall?" she asked quietly

Shelby smiled and brushed some hair back from Rachel's face before kissing her forehead, "the sooner you get dressed the more time we'll have to do whatever you want."

Rachel showered quickly and dressed in loose grey sweat pants and a black tank top, "I'm ready" she knocked on Shelby's door to find her mother in an almost identical outfit only Shelby's sweat pants were black and her tank top blue.

They both had a full body massage almost as soon as they got to the spa, and as Rachel stood from the bed after their hour was up Shelby could have sworn her daughter was two feet taller, it was as if a huge weight had been lifted from the young girls shoulders. Shelby then accompanied her daughter to the hairdressers where Rachel's long hair became shoulder length with several shorter layers framing her face. Rachel had considered asking for a fringe similar to the one she had in high school but was worried she wouldn't have time to style them each morning so she took Shelby's advice and opted for a long sweeping fringe which complemented her new hairstyle perfectly. "What do you think?" she asked Shelby once the last piece of hair had been straightened.

"You look amazing" Shelby told her, "it really suits you Rach"

"What about you?" the hairdresser asked, "are both sisters having their hair cut?"

Rachel and Shelby both laughed, "I'm not her. . ."

"She's my mom" Shelby and Rachel spoke at the same time.

"Oh, I'm sorry" the hairdresser apologised but Shelby held up her hand to stop him

"Don't be, I'm flattered" she smiled, "but I'm not. . ."

"Please mom" Rachel begged, "even if it's just a trim, they massage your scalp when they wash your hair and it feels amazing."

Shelby knew at that moment exactly how Hiram and Leroy had felt since Rachel was born, there was no way you could say no to her, "okay" she nodded to the hairdresser, "just a trim."

An hour later Shelby and Rachel left the hair dressers and made their way to the second floor of the spa to the nail salon. "What colour are you having mom?" Rachel asked as she had her nails filed.

"I don't know" Shelby smiled to Rachel as she too had her nails filed, "why?"

Rachel blushed and dipped her head, "I was kinda hoping we could get the same, I mean it doesn't have to be the same shade, but. .."

"Rachel look at me" Shelby said firmly and Rachel lifted her head slowly, "today is your day, if you want us to get the same colour nails we can get the same colour nails okay."

Rachel nodded, "thanks Mom."

"It's okay, and Rach?"

"Yes Mom?"

"I think I'm going for purple" she grinned.

It was almost three pm when Shelby and Rachel left the spa and Rachel's stomach growled loudly as she climbed into the car, Shelby laughed, "I guess we should get something to eat before we go shopping. I know a great little tapas place not far from here, they do loads of vegetarian dishes" Shelby knew Rachel had started eating dairy whilst she was pregnant with Lyla, "is that okay or would you rather grab something at the mall?"

"Tapas sounds great" Rachel smiled and Shelby had to admit, Rachel already looked a lot more like the Rachel she used to know.

Rachel and Shelby returned to the house just after six pm, laughing and giggling as they struggled to carry all the bags from the car. Hiram was the first to see them, "Rachel, look at you" he gasped, "you look amazing. Look at all those bags, I hope you used my credit card."

"Don't worry about it" Shelby grinned as she collapsed onto the sofa, "I've got almost twenty years to make up for, I've got this."

"Hiram, why didn't you tell us we had guests?" Leroy strolled into the room with Lyla on his hip, "aren't you going to introduce me to these beautiful ladies?"

"Da-ad" Rachel giggled sitting beside Shelby

"Dad, I don't know what you mean" Leroy grinned, "you're far to beautiful to have come from me." Rachel giggled again, "seriously Rach, you look so much better. Have you had a good day?"

Rachel nodded and took Lyla from Leroy, "Yeah" she smiled, "we went to the spa, we had a massage and a manicure and pedicure." She held out her fingers for her fathers to see.

"And a hair cut" Shelby added

"and a hair cut" Rachel repeated, "then Shelby took me to a tapas restaurant, it was honestly one of the best things I've ever eaten! And then we went to the mall."

Leroy smiled, he too could see the old Rachel coming back, "I can see that" he took in all the bags on the floor, "and at which point of the day did Shelby realise she'd need to remortgage her house?" he asked before kissing Rachel's head, "I'm glad you had a good day Sunshine."

"Where's Beth?" Shelby asked "has she been okay?"

"She's been fine, she's upstairs watching a dvd in Rachel's room. Dinner will be half an hour. Now if you'll excuse me I better go make sure it doesn't burn." Leroy smiled as he turned and left the room.

Rachel knocked on Shelby's door later that evening, entering when Shelby said she could to find her mother sat in bed reading a book, "Hey" Shelby smiled, "you didn't need to knock."

"I didn't know if you were getting changed or something." Rachel hovered by the door.

Shelby shook her head, "I always get changed in the bathroom, force of habit, Beth never knocks." She pulled back the covers and patted the space beside her smiling as Rachel joined her in the bed, "what's wrong?"

"What makes you think anything is wrong?" Rachel asked as she began to play with the edge of the blanket.

"Nothing" Shelby placed her hands over Rachel's, "I just assumed you'd come for a reason, but I could be wrong, you might just have come to spend some time with your old mom".

"I feel bad sometimes" Rachel admitted, "you know, that I feel more comfortable talking to you about stuff than my dads."

"Don't Shelby told Rachel, "I spoke with your dad the morning after you were taken into hospital, "he agreed with me that if you felt like you could talk to at least one of us then that was fine, it's only when you feel like you can't talk to any of us that things are 'bad'. You're lucky Rach, there are some people out there who don't have any parents who care about them, you've got three parents who would give the world to see you happy, and we're here for you as a team but as individuals too, your dads don't mind if you tell me something you don't tell them and I don't mind if you feel like there's something you can talk to your fathers about but you can't talk to me about. As long as you're not bottling it up then that's fine. And I promise you Rachel, unless you explicitly ask me to, I will never talk to your fathers about anything you tell me, unless of course you tell me you've hurt yourself again and I need to get you to the hospital or something okay?"

Rachel nodded, "I just wish you'd been there when, I know this sounds horrible but I wish you had been there when two dads just weren't enough. I was thirteen when I got my first period, I woke up and there was blood everywhere, I ran downstairs screaming because I thought I was dying, daddy had already gone to work and dad gave me a wash cloth while he went to the store. He had no idea what he was doing, he told me a few years later he grabbed the first pack he saw, I felt like I was wearing a diaper. My dads made an agreement with Mrs Puckerman, she told me about the birds and the bees, and they spoke to Noah."

"Tell me Rachel" Shelby said softly, "I know it wont make up for the fact that I wasn't there but I'd like you to tell me, there might still be things I can help with."

"When I lost my, the first time I slept with someone. It was the summer after Beth was born, Noah and I, my fathers were away for the weekend, we'd talked about it, he'd said he'd use condoms but I wanted to go on birth control too but I knew my dads would go crazy if I asked them to take me and they'd want to know why I'd been to the doctor when they saw the visit on their insurance. Noah was so sweet, I don't regret it at all but I spent the whole time freaking out that the condom would rip and I'd end up being Quinn 2.0. I burst into tears afterwards and told Noah. He calmed me down and drove me to a pharmacy in the next town so I could get the morning after pill without seeing anyone we knew. Maybe I'd have been too scared to ask you about getting the pill, but I still think if you'd have been here, if I could have had an adult on my side to argue that at least Noah and I were taking precautions, I might have been able to enjoy it more than I did."

Shelby sighed and kissed Rachel's head, "did you ever go to the doctor?"

Rachel shook her head, "if I had then I probably wouldn't have Lyla."

"If you still want to go. Or if you ever want me to come to the doctor with you about anything then I will."

"There's not really any point getting it now is there?" she sighed sadly.

Shelby shrugged, "that's completely up to you darling, it's always good to be prepared, and this might be too much information but you want to talk about these mother daughter things, when I took it it made my periods a lot lighter and I didn't seem to cramp as much."

Rachel smiled, "thank you, and maybe when I'm done with breastfeeding we could look into it?"

"Whenever you're ready baby, whenever you're ready."

"I wish you'd been there when I was pregnant." Rachel whispered after a moments silence, I mean not just when I found out, but when I was craving really random combinations of food, I guess I wanted you to tell me what it was like when you were having me, I wondered if we had the same cravings, I wanted to hear about the first time you felt that tiny little flutter. I wanted to be able to call you to tell you that my belly button had popped out and I couldn't fit into regular jeans any more."

"Oreos and orange juice" Shelby interrupted, "the first craving I had when I was expecting you. I had to dip oreos in orange juice til they were almost soggy before I could eat them. Then the smell of oranges made me want to throw up and I ate bag after bag of salt and vinegar crisps. I ate a lot of apples too, lots and lots of apples, I tried dipping oreos in apple juice one time but it just wasn't the same."

"I craved ice cream" Rachel told her, "I didn't care what flavour just as long as it wasn't vegan, sometimes I mixed weird things in with it like cheetos, but that never lasted long. I'm surprised I wasn't the size of a house with the amount of ice cream I ate!"

Shelby smiled, "can I tell you a story?" she asked and Rachel nodded slowly, "I don't want you to tell your dads, or Beth when she's older, we keep this between the two of us okay?"

Rachel nodded, she'd noticed a change in Shelby's voice, "okay".

"When we met again, the night I watched Lyla while you had dinner with Finn, you asked how I could have given you up so easily." Shelby sighed and took a deep breath, she hadn't spoken about this since it happened, "it wasn't as easy as you might think. I got really bad post natal depression Rachel, I missed you so much it physically hurt. I spent days at a time locked in my room not wanting to go out because I knew every time I saw a baby I'd see you. I felt so empty Rachel, I loved you so much I felt like my heart had been ripped out and taken away from me the day you were born, it got so bad that I thought" Shelby paused to wipe at her eyes, "I thought that you were the only thing I wanted and if I didn't have you then there was no point in being here any more so I. . ." Shelby hoped Rachel understood what she meant

"You?"

"Yeah" Shelby nodded pushing up her sleeve and running her fingers over the jagged scar. It had faded over time and you'd only notice it was there if you were looking for it but Rachel felt her heart ache for her mother.

"Why didn't you. . .what happened?" Rachel didn't want to push Shelby but she wanted to hear the rest of the story, she wanted to hear how Shelby had survived.

"I realised how stupid it was, I thought about you, I imagined you trying to find me when you were eighteen only to be told I'd killed myself when you were a few weeks old, and I realised that if you wanted to find me I wanted to be around for you to find, so I did whet you did and I called my mom. She told me in no uncertain terms that i had eighteen years to pull myself from rock bottom and make myself into a woman that you'd be proud to call your mom and that's what I did, well what I tried to do, I kinda messed it up when you were about sixteen right?"

Rachel shook her head, "I think I understand now, you spent sixteen years longing for the baby you'd given away, it must have been hard for you seeing me after all that time."

"I missed so much Rachel" Shelby wiped at her eyes, "I'll never forgive myself for not being there."

Rachel reached out and wiped her mother's tears away before kissing her damp cheeks, "you were there, last week, I needed you and you were there, no questions asked you were there Mom. Let's forget everything else and just remember that, and if we're being honest then I should tell you that this morning I thought" Rachel shook her head. "It's stupid."

Shelby squeezed Rachel's shoulder, "I'm not going to force you to talk to me Rachel but if you can't talk to me I want you to try talking to one of your fathers."

"I thought everyone had left me" Rachel admitted, "I thought you'd all realised how much I'd messed things up and you'd all left, I thought... I tried ringing you but you didn't pick up."

"Rachel" Shelby said firmly, "did you do anything?"

Rachel shook her head, "I came in here to call you, I thought if I distanced myself I'd be okay. When you didn't pick up I, I just cried."

Shelby sighed, "Oh baby" she pulled Rachel to sit on her lap "I'm so sorry I didn't pick up but I was three streets away I thought it would be quicker and easier to come straight home and speak to you face to face than to pull over and call you back. I wish so much that I could do something, anything to make you realise I'm not going to walk out on you ever again, but I'll promise you one thing okay?" Rachel nodded, "I'll be leaving the house every day at around 8.30 to take Beth to school, most days I'll be back for 9 but maybe once a week I'm going to go back to my house to get the mail and stuff so that will take a bit longer, but I promise that any time your fathers and I all leave the house while you're sleeping I will leave a note by the bed you've slept in to tell you where I've gone and when I'll be home okay?"

Rachel nodded, "I'm sorry"

"No." Shelby's voice was firm, "you do not apologise for anything." Rachel was silent for a while and Shelby could tell she was thinking about something, "what's going on in there?" Shelby tapped Rachel's temple softly.

"Would you mind if I called Will to talk about Lyla? I don't want a relationship or anything I just want to give him the chance to see Lyla if he wants to."

"You do what you think is best for you and Lyla, I'm okay with anything that makes the both of you happy."

"Thanks" Rachel nodded, "I love you mom" she whispered quietly.

Shelby smiled and kissed Rachel's temple, "I love you too baby, would you like to sleep in here again tonight?"

Rachel nodded, "if that's okay?"

"Come on" Shelby slid down the bed and gestured for Rachel to do the same, "I've got almost twenty years of cuddles to catch up on" she smiled pulling Rachel into her arms and holding her tightly.

There was a gentle tap on Shelby's door almost an hour later, "Yeah" she called softly not wanting to wake Rachel.

"Ah" Leroy smiled seeing Rachel curled into Shelby, her head on her mothers chest, her arms around her mother's waist. "We always look in on Rachel before we go to bed, we always have" he explained, "her bed was empty, I was going to ask if you knew where she was but you obviously do."

"Yeah" Shelby smiled and ran her hand through Rachel's hair, "I do."

"Is everything okay?" Leroy asked from the doorway.

Shelby nodded, "We had a bit of a heart to heart earlier, I think she's going to be just fine."


	26. Chapter 26

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

This is a bit of a filler part but I've got quite a lot of this fic already written up so I should have the next part up by the end of the week. A couple of people messaged me with things they'd like to see happen between Rachel and Finn/Will, they'll be happening in the next couple of chapters, thanks for your input!

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"I spoke to Will" Rachel told Shelby and her fathers the next morning,"I said I'd meet him for coffee at 4, could someone watch Lyla please."

"It's Beth's parent's evening" Shelby told the other adults, "I can take her with me though if you two are working" she turned her attention to Hiram and Leroy.

"I've got a meeting this afternoon I don't know if I can reschedule." Hiram sighed.

"Looks like it's Superdad to the rescue" Leroy smiled, "I have to be in the office this morning and I have a meeting 12-2 but I'll be able to leave after my meeting, I'll work from home this afternoon." Leroy turned his attention to Shelby, "I'll call you if I have any problems."

"Rachel" Will greeted her as she met him outside the Lima Bean that afternoon, "Oh, are you on your own?"

"Yes" she nodded, "my father is watching Lyla, I thought it would be best if we could talk without any distractions."

They ordered their drinks and sat at a table towards the back of the coffee shop where they had less chance of being disturbed, "How is Lyla?" Will asked, "and how are you?" he quickly added.

"Lyla is fine, and so am I, but we both know we're not just here for a chat are we?" Rachel didn't give Will a chance to reply. "I'm willing to give you regular access, I don't think I'd be comfortable with you having her over night, maybe when she's older, but right now I'd rather you just had her for the day." She saw Will's face, "of course I've managed on my own for nearly a year, I'm not going to force you or chase you for maintenance if you don't want to see her. If you want to walk away you can, but this is the only time I'm going to give you the option to walk away. If you're in this you're in it for the next seventeen years at the very least."

She finally paused to let Will speak, "I want to see her Rachel, I want to be part of her life."

Rachel nodded, "I have one condition though"

"Okay" Will would do anything to get to spend time with his daughter.

"I want you to call Shelby" Rachel saw Will's face fall, "I want you to arrange to see Beth. You're not only Lyla's father Will and I won't be the one that has to explain to Beth why you'll see Lyla but you won't see her, and it isn't fair to make Shelby do that either"

"I, I"

"Tell her you've been on holiday or something. I don't care Will, Beth can't remember a time when you weren't her daddy. If you walk out on Beth now how do I know you won't do the same to Lyla in three years time?"

Will nodded slowly, "I'll call Shelby, it probably wont be until tomorrow though."

Rachel nodded and picked up her cup, "I'll call you when I know you've spoken to Shelby and we can arrange a time for you to see Lyla."

"Thanks Rachel."

Rachel stood from the table, "You're only going to get one chance Will, please don't mess it up."

Rachel drove home pulling into the drive just seconds after Shelby. "Rachy" Beth flung herself at her sister

"Hey" Rachel returned Beth's hug, "have you had a good day at school?"

Beth nodded, "I painted you a picture, Mommy's got it in my book bag."

"Let's get inside and you can show it to me then." She turned her attention to Shelby, "how was parents evening?"

"It went well" Shelby smiled, "She's doing really well, she's ahead of most of the class with her reading and her writing." Shelby smiled proudly.

"Rachel was exactly the same at her age." Leroy caught the end of the conversation as Rachel, Shelby and Beth entered the house. "How has your day been Sunshine?"

"It went okay" Rachel glanced across the room to see Beth playing with Lyla, not paying any attention to the conversation the adults were having. "He wants to see her, but I said I'd only arrange something if he called you" she looked at Shelby "and arranged to see Beth. I said if he wasn't willing to be a father to Beth I couldn't trust him to be a father to Lyla. I hope that's okay, I mean, I should have asked you first, I just didn't want Beth to be upset that Will was seeing Lyla but not seeing her, I can ring him and."

"Rachel" Shelby held up her hand to stop Rachel's rambling, "It's fine. I know Will and I didn't leave things on the best of terms but it's not about us. I know Beth would love to spend time with him, and if she's happy, well that's all that matters."

"I saw Finn" Rachel told Shelby later that night. It had become a habit that once both Beth and Lyla were in bed they'd curl up in Shelby's bed and put a movie on, this was their time and Rachel's opportunity to talk to her mother about anything that was bothering her. It usually ended with Rachel falling asleep in Shelby's arms and to Shelby that was one of the best things in the world

"Oh" Shelby began playing with Rachel's hair, "I didn't know you were going to see him."

"I didn't plan to" Rachel explained, "he was outside the Lima Bean after I'd met Will, I didn't stop, I thought he'd not seen me but he had, he caught up with me and I couldn't really get away."

"Did he say anything?"

Rachel nodded, "he apologised and said he loved Lyla and I. I asked if he'd have seen her again if I'd not have caught them and he couldn't answer so I told him he wasn't sorry he'd cheated he was sorry that I'd caught him. He told me she'd come onto him and he'd tried to say no but it it didn't look like that to me and Carol said he'd denied being Lyla's father. I gave him his ring back and told him I had no intention of ever being in his company again and requested that he moved out of my way so I could leave."

"Good." Shelby smiled, "I didn't say anything at the time because you seemed so happy but you can do so much better Rach but I think Finn will struggle to find anyone better than you."

"You're my mom" Rachel pointed out, "you have to say that."

"Yeah, but Carol told me you were the best thing Finn had going for him when I saw her in the store earlier."

"It hurts" Rachel sighed, "I can't stop wondering if it's something I did, if I'd just. . ."

"Rachel" Shelby sighed before kissing Rachel's forehead, "nothing you could have done would have stopped him cheating. You said he slept with Santana behind your back in high school?" Rachel nodded, "then he's obviously the same immature boy he was back then, and I know it hurts, I was devastated when I found out about you and Will, but it didn't take me long to realise that I wasn't at fault, I didn't make him sleep with you just like you didn't make Finn sleep with that girl. You need to take a long hard look at your life Rachel and realise what's important. For me it's you, it's you and Beth and Lyla, I don't need anything or anyone else."

"I guess now I've got Lyla I just want to settle down and be happy."

"You don't need a man to do that."

"I know" Rachel sighed sadly, "I, I guess I just want that intimacy that comes with a relationship, I want someone who'll hold me and kiss me and" she heard Shelby clear her throat, "someone to father Lyla's brothers and sisters."

"Okay" Shelby chuckled, "I might have trouble with that last one. But I'm twice your age and I'm in exactly the same position."

"You've got two children."

"And a grandchild. But you've got the exact same number of children I had when I was your age only with the added benefit of being able to see her whenever you want."

"Have you ever. I mean, do you think you're still waiting for 'the one'?" Rachel asked.

Shelby shook her head, "I think I lost him a long time ago."

Rachel turned in Shelby's loose embrace, "tell me about him." She studied Shelby's face for a minute before adding, "if you don't mind."

"Luke. His name was Luke" Shelby smiled at the memory, "I met him in a coffee shop, I was 23, he was 26. We were together for, it seems like forever but not long enough at the same time, but it must have been about 6, almost 7 years. He was amazing, all those clichés you hear about love, they all made sense when I was with Luke. It was the little things" she told Rachel, "like the way he didn't mind kissing me when I had morning breath, he'd slip his arm around me when we walked through a crowd. Sometimes it felt like he knew me better than I knew myself. He knew when I'd had a bad day, he knew when to hold me and when to give me space. I knew from the moment he first spoke to me that he was the one I wanted, I could see him chasing our children around the park. He knew about you." Shelby smiled sadly, "he knew everything, and somehow he just made everything seem a little better. We were planning our wedding when. . ." Shelby stopped to wipe tears from her eyes.

"Oh mom" Rachel held Shelby, a position that had mirrored their usual embrace, "you don't have to tell me if it's too much."

Shelby shook her head, "he surprised me one evening, took me out for dinner, he was always doing things like that, little notes, gifts, even after almost seven years it still felt like we'd only just met. We were driving home when a car ran a red light and hit us side on. Luke walked away with a couple of cuts and bruises and mild concussion but I. . ." Shelby took a deep breath, "I offered to drive so he could have a drink, the airbag didn't go off, there was a lot of internal bleeding, I had a lot of surgery and apparently I was technically dead for a couple of minutes before they patched everything up but then they told me that I wouldn't be able to have any more children. We'd been trying for a baby for three months and everything I'd felt after I gave you away came back tenfold, it hurt knowing I'd never see you, but knowing I'd willingly signed up any rights to the only child I'd ever have completely broke me. Luke and I started arguing over little things, snapping at one another until we just couldn't live together any more and I packed up my things and moved back in with my mom. Last I heard he's living in Cincinnati with a wife and three kids."

"I'm s..."

"No" Shelby interrupted her daughter, "please don't apologise, it's not your fault, don't apologise." Shelby took a deep breath, "I tell myself it happened for a reason. If it hadn't happened I could have still been living in New York with Luke instead of here with two beautiful daughters and Lyla."

"Did you want a lot of children?" Rachel asked quietly, "if you don't want to talk about it I understand" she added quickly.

"Four" Shelby smiled, "four children, a big house out of the city and a dog."

"I could, I mean genetically we're fifty percent the same, if you wanted, you'd need to find a donor obviously, but. . ."

It took a while for Shelby to realise what Rachel was offering, "baby" she kissed Rachel, "I'm honoured that you would offer to do that for me but I'm happy with what I've got, and would you really want a brother or sister younger than your daughter?" Shelby laughed slightly to show Rachel she wasn't angry.

"I guess not." Rachel smiled, "but the offer is there."

"Thank you." Shelby smiled knowing she wouldn't take her daughter up on the offer, she was too old for babies, a couple of hours with Lyla and she was exhausted. "How many children do you want?"

Rachel looked thoughtful for a moment, "2, a boy and a girl. But then I imagined I wouldn't loose my virginity until I was 25, then I imagined there'd be a wedding and an EGOT before I had my first child. Seems like things not going to plan runs in the family."

"Indeed it does" Shelby smiled, "neither of our lives went the way we wanted them too, but I wouldn't change this for anything. All my dreams, everything I owned, I'd have given them all up in a heartbeat, a million times over to get to know you, to tell you how much I love you."

"Do you regret it?" Rachel herself wasn't sure what she was referring to.

"The only thing I regret is ever believing that I'd be able to hand you over and walk away. I don't regret having you and I don't regret giving you to your fathers. I don't regret leaving Luke or adopting Beth. I try not to dwell on stuff, it's not like I can go back and change it so why let it get me down?"

"I guess." Rachel was silent for a moment before she spoke again, "do you think my dads would mind if I started to see my therapist again?"

Shelby shook her head, "not at all Rach, I think they'd be glad you were getting the help you feel like you need. They want what's best for you Rachel, they always have."


	27. Chapter 27

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

I'm going to try and get my updates hapening on a more regular basis so I'm aiming to have the next part up within a fortnight.

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Rachel was laid on the floor with Lyla the next morning playing with some large farmyard animals when there was a loud knock at the door, startling Lyla and causing her to cry. "Hey" Rachel scooped Lyla into her arms and the crying stopped almost instantly as she snuggled her head into her mother's neck, "let's see who it is."

"Hey" Puck smiled as Rachel opened the door, "my ma sent me round, she said she'd spoken to you about some baby stuff, my truck's pretty much full."

"Yes, she called me before her trip, did she have a good time?" Rachel asked.

"Dunno" Puck shrugged, "all she said to me was that I needed to take all the stuff out of her car and bring it round here for Lyla."

Rachel laughed, "just let me put Lyla down and I'll come help you."

"Nah, I'll be fine" Puck told her, "just tell me where you want it and I'll bring it in."

"If you could put it in the living room that will be fine thank you Noah." She smiled again as he winked at her and turned to get the stuff from his truck. He couldn't help but smile as he made several trips into the living room only to find Rachel sat on the sofa with Lyla on her lap as she read from a cardboard story book, pointing out various items in the large pictures as she spoke.

"That's the lot" he told her as he propped the pink and white high chair up against the wall.

"Thank you Noah, would you like a drink or something to eat?"

"A soda would be good." He grinned as he made himself at home on the sofa. Rachel nodded and carried Lyla into the kitchen with her, returning a few minutes later with his soda, a pink cup of juice for Lyla and a handful of carrot sticks which she passed one by one to the baby who now sat on the floor surrounded by various toys. "Hudson's a d-o-u-c-h-e" he spelt out the word knowing how angry Rachel got if anyone swore in front of Lyla. He saw Rachel's face fall and tried to cheer her up, "well, now he's a d-o-u-c-h-e with a broken nose but that doesn't make him any less d-o-u-c-h-e-y"

"Noah" Rachel gasped, "tell me you didn't"

"I didn't" he said dryly.

"Now say it without lying to me." He was silent, "Noah! You know I don't condone violence in any situation."

"Look, the j-e-r-k deserved it, even his mom agreed."

"What?"

"I went over there when I heard what happened, his mom saw how angry I was and told me if I promised to do no lasting damage she'd turn her back for one punch so I took my chance. If I'd not have promised his old lady I wouldn't do any lasting damage I'd have aimed a lot lower" he said smugly. "You'd think after all the crying he did after I boned Quinn he'd know better."

Rachel shook her head, "I can't believe you Noah".

They sat in silence for a while before Puck spoke again, "Why Lyla?" he asked, gesturing to Lyla as she sat on the floor chewing on the head of a plastic horse, "I mean I know a Lola and I think my sister goes to school with a kid called Layla but I've never heard of Lyla."

"When she was born they took her straight to the neonatal intensive care unit" Rachel began to explain, "I didn't see her but the doctors bought me a photo of her, she didn't have a name then so my fathers bought me a baby name book. I flicked through it one day, I didn't even see the name I just saw the meaning and I knew that whatever that name was it was going to be hers. The first thing I saw when I looked at that picture was her hair, it was so dark, almost jet black and Lyla is a Persian name, it means dark haired beauty."

"It's perfect for her" he smiled, "I always expected your kids would have Hebrew names though."

Rachel shook her head, "Lyla Faith" she smiled, "I couldn't imagine her being anything else"

"Y'know if you'd have been Quinn or I'd have been Will, whatever, I'd have made you call her Caroline."

Rachel ignored the fact that Puck had thought about having children with her, "are you planning on naming all your children after songs?"

"Yep" he grinned, "gonna call my next one Peggy Sue"

The pair chatted easily for almost an hour before Puck said he had to be going and Rachel began to settle Lyla down for her mid morning nap. "Come on Lyla" Rachel sighed, bouncing the child in her arms as she grizzled loudly, "it's nap time." She laid Lyla on the sofa only for the child to begin screaming as she sat up, reaching out towards her mother, "you're warm aren't you?" Rachel asked, lying the back of her hand across Lyla's forehead before stripping her down to her vest, "are those teeth hurting?" She carried Lyla through to the kitchen and pulled one of numerous teething rings and some teething gel from the fridge, applying the gel liberally to Lyla's gums before handing over the gel filled ring, "oh darling" Rachel sighed as Lyla chewed on the ring for less than ten seconds before throwing it on the floor and beginning to scream again, arching her back and wriggling in her mother's arms. It took half an hour, three failed attempts at feeding and a dose of an infant pain killer before Rachel was able to lie a sleeping Lyla on the sofa and begin looking through all the bags Puck had bought over.

"Rachel" Shelby called as she walked into the house, "I'm ba-"

"Shh" Rachel bolted into the hallway, "Lyla's sleeping, I think she's teething again, she had a bit of a temperature earlier and it took me a while to settle her, I don't want to wake her."

Shelby nodded and followed Rachel back into the living room, "her cheeks do look a bit red" Shelby said, walking over to the sleeping child. "What's all that?" she then asked as she noticed the bags and boxes by the door.

"Mrs Puckerman went to visit her sister, she called me to tell me her sister was having a clear out, and as she's got a 4 year old daughter she had a lot of baby things to get rid of. I offered to pay her for them but neither of them would take a cent. There's a lot of clothes, I was just sorting them out into ages" Rachel pointed to several neat piles of clothes, "I'm going to ask dad to put the ones that she won't need for a while, like this" Rachel picked up a dress, the label telling her it was age 2-3years "in the attic until she needs them. There's a couple of things I don't need like the playpen and a changing mat and stuff but I thought Will could have them and some of the toys if he has her."

Shelby nodded, "he called me earlier" she said as she picked up a pink flowery dress, "Beth had this" she smiled before continuing, "he told me he wanted to see Beth, I said if he felt like he could handle it he could see her when he saw Lyla but he'd have to sort that out with you."

"Okay. I'll call him later" Rachel told her mother before changing the subject completely, "what did you do for Beth's first Birthday?"

"We were in New York, I took her to the zoo why?"

Rachel shrugged, "I want to do something special for Lyla's birthday, I don't know what though. Her birthday's on a Saturday so I thought we could all go to the aquarium or something, but would I have to invite Will?"

"Invite who you like Rach, if you want Will to come that's fine, I'm not going to ruin Lyla's day and I'm sure Will won't either, but if you don't want him to come we could always have a little party here when we get back, you could invite Will and Burt and Carol and the Puckerman's, just do something little, she can't have a cake at the aquarium." Shelby smiled, "and it's not a real birthday without cake!"

Rachel and Shelby spoke about Lyla's birthday as they sorted out the things Mrs Puckerman had sent over for almost half an hour before Lyla woke and began to scream. "Oh baby" Rachel sighed as she rocked the screaming infant in her arms trying to settle her, "I know it's not nice is it" Rachel had only recently had a wisdom tooth of her own cut through so she could completely understand why Lyla was grumpy. She turned to Shelby when her phone began to ring, "it's on the side in the kitchen can you get it please."

"It's Will" Shelby called as she picked up the phone.

"Let it go to voicemail" Rachel told her mother, "I'll call him back when Lyla's settled."

It took almost half an hour for Rachel to calm Lyla, but eventually she was able to hand her over to Shelby and call Will back. The phone call was brief, she told him he could pick Lyla up the next morning, Saturday, she warned him Lyla was teething but he told her he didn't mind, she checked with Shelby before agreeing that he could take Beth out too before ending the conversation as Lyla began screaming once again.

Rachel's day carried on in much the same way it had began, Lyla would scream for a while before she settled, only to begin screaming again less than an hour later. "Rachel baby" Leroy had been home from work for less than an hour and could already see how stressed Rachel was, "go upstairs, take a break, Shelby and I will watch Lyla for a while."

Rachel shook her head, "she won't settle, Shelby's been trying for most of the day, it seems she only wants me."

"I'll take her for a walk round the block, you need a break Rachel."

She knew better than to protest, Leroy had already got Lyla in her buggy, "Okay" she sighed, "will Daddy be home for dinner?"

Leroy shook his head, "he's going to be late home, it's someone's retirement party, he's gone out for a" the man made air quotes, "few drinks and a meal."

"Okay, I'll make a start on di. . ."

"No you wont" Leroy interrupted, "you'll sit down and order takeout for us all, and then you'll only move if you need to use the bathroom understand?"

"Yes Sir" Rachel mock saluted.

"Right" Leroy began to rock the buggy, I won't be long." True to his word Leroy returned almost 45 minutes later, right before the delivery from the Chinese takeout, "she's sleeping" he told Rachel, "I'll leave her here for a while."

"I think I'm going to try and get Lyla settled upstairs" Rachel told Leroy and Shelby after they'd eaten dinner and watched the news. She knew as she walked towards the buggy that something was wrong. "Lyla" she called as she tried to rouse the baby, "Lyla, wake up baby."

"Rachel?" Shelby and Leroy walked into the hallway, "is everything okay?"

"I can't wake her" Rachel's voice was frantic, "she feels a bit floppy too."

Leroy instantly reached for Lyla's tiny wrist, sighing in relief when he felt a strong pulse, he held his hand infront of her nose for a minute, "you need to get her to hospital" he told Rachel when he was sure Lyla's breathing was still steady, "she feels like she's burning up. Do you want Shelby to take you or would you like me to come?" he tried to stay calm.

"Mom" Rachel sobbed, "will you. . ."

"Of course" Shelby moved forward and lifted a blanket from the buggy before lying it over Lyla, "you're okay to watch Beth?" she asked Leroy.

Leroy nodded, "of course I am. Call me when you've seen the doctor" he passed Lyla's changing bag to Shelby and stood in the doorway watching as Shelby drove off into the distance. He waited until the car was out of sight before going back into the house and calling Hiram, "Shelby's taken Rachel and Lyla to the hospital" he told his husband, "Lyla's sick" he didn't go into details, he didn't need to, Hiram had already made his excuses and left the party.

Lyla seemed to come round in the car but Rachel knew something still wasn't right. She was out of the car almost before Shelby had stopped, "my baby's sick." She told the receptionist in the emergency room and almost right on cue Lyla's eye's rolled back into her head and she began to tremble violently in her mother's arms.

"Dr Wayne" the receptionist stood from her desk and called the first doctor that she saw, "this baby needs to be seen right now." The doctor ran over and took one look at Lyla before scooping her from Rachel's arms and racing down a corridor with her shouting orders at various nurses he passed. "He'll be taking her to the room on the left just before the double doors" the receptionist told Rachel kindly, "you can wait outside, she's in the best hands."

"What about the insurance forms?" Rachel asked, her voice shaky as she tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes.

The receptionist smiled sympathetically, "we can sort them out later, I'll bring them over when you've had chance to speak to the doctor."

Shelby had to half carry Rachel to the plastic seats outside the room where a team of doctors were working on Lyla. "Will" Rachel sobbed, "can you call him, he should be here."

Shelby nodded, "I can't use my phone here, will you be okay while I go outside?"

Rachel nodded, "please, don't be long."

Shelby bent down to kiss Rachel's head, "I'll be as quick as I can baby."


	28. Chapter 28

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

I know it's taken me a little longer than a fortnight but I changed internet providers and didn't have the interet for a while. I'm going to aim to have the next part up within a fornight again.

* * *

Shelby tried to call Will several times as she stood outside the hospital but he didn't pick up her calls. Instead she called Leroy and told him what had happened and the elder man promised he'd continue trying to get hold of Will. She hung up after promising to keep Leroy updated and tried Will twice more before giving up and sending him a text, _'Lyla's sick Will. Rachel and I are at the hospital. Rachel wants you here, call me or Leroy when you get this.' _ before sliding her phone back into her pocket and going back to Rachel.

Shelby sighed as she came back to find Rachel sat on the same seat Shelby had sat her on, only now her heels were resting on the edge of the seat, her arms were wrapped around her legs, hugging them tightly to her chest and her chin was resting on her knees as she stared into space, tears rolling freely down her cheeks. She looked so broken at that moment in time Shelby wished she could do something, anything to make it better. She paused to say a brief prayer to whoever was listening, begging them to let Lyla be okay, she just didn't know how Rachel would cope if anything happened to the small girl, before she moved quickly down the corridor to take Rachel in her arms and try and comfort her somehow.

Rachel shot to her feet a while later when a doctor emerged from the room, "is she okay?" Rachel asked before Shelby even had a chance to stand up.

"She's going to be fine." The doctor said with a smile, "she's got an ear infection and we want to keep her in overnight but you'll be able to take her home in the morning, we're giving her IV antibiotics at the moment to get a head start on her recovery but we'll give you a course of oral antibiotics and a painkiller when she's discharged, she'll be a bit groggy from the IV antibiotics we're giving her but give it a week and she should be almost back to herself."

"She. . .when we got here." Rachel mumbled.

"Febrile convulsion." The doctor spoke confidently,"you'd be surprised at how common they are. The simplest way to explain it is it was like when you use an old computer that overheats and shuts down to stop itself being damaged. Lyla's temperature got too high so her brain shut her body down to stop her being hurt, it was her body's way of showing something wasn't right. It looks scary but it's a baby's way of protecting themselves, I doubt she'll be the only baby that does it this week."

"We'll be moving her up to the paediatric ward soon, you'll be able to spend the night with her. You can sit with her until we move her if you like?"

"But she's going to be okay?" Rachel clarified.

"She'll be just fine. We've already got her temperature down slightly and you'll be able to take her home as soon as she's finished the IV antibiotics and her temperatures back to something more normal."

"What was it when she came in?" Shelby asked resting her hand in the small or Rachel's back.

"It was 102.8 when we started treating her, we've got it down to 102.2, she's getting there."

"She felt warm earlier, I thought she was just teething" Rachel sobbed.

"Hey" Shelby took Rachel in her arms, "she's going to be okay. Let's go and sit with her for a bit."

"She's sleeping at the moment" the doctor told them, "and if she wakes up she'll probably be a little drowsy and not quite herself, that's completely normal, once she's moved onto the oral antibiotics instead of the IV ones that will start to wear off, now I have to go and check on another patient but there'll be a nurse in there at all times, she can page me if you have any more questions."

Rachel nodded, "thank you" she whispered before allowing Shelby to lead her into the room.

It was a little after 8am when Shelby and Rachel were able to take Lyla home with a large amount of antibiotics and instructions to keep a close eye on her temperature, it was still a little high and the paediatrician had insisted they take her back to the hospital if it began to rise or hadn't returned to normal within 24 hours.

"How is she?" Leroy asked as he took the changing bag from Shelby and followed the exhausted women into the living room.

"Her temperature's still a little high, they want us to keep an eye on it, and she's got to have antibiotics and a painkiller every four hours."

"Poor thing" he sighed, running his hand gently over the sleeping child's warm forehead.

"If you don't mind" Shelby spoke, "I'm going to try and get a couple of hours sleep, are you okay to watch Beth for a while?"

"Of course" Leroy smiled, "she was up at 6, Hiram's taken her swimming, I hope that's okay?"

"She'll love that" Shelby smiled before yawning and standing from the sofa. "I'll be in my room, wake me if you need anything" she kissed Rachel's forehead before leaving.

"I can watch Lyla if you want to go to bed for a while" Leroy suggested but Rachel shook her head.

"She's settled, I might just lay here for a while with her."

"Okay" Leroy gestured for Rachel to get settled on the sofa, "just call if you need anything, when does Lyla need her medicine?"

"She had some just before we left the hospital so in about three and a half hours."

"Okay" Leroy kissed his daughter, "I'll wake you up if you're still sleeping."

"Thanks dad."

"It's okay Sunshine" he covered her with a blanket, "try and get some sleep."

Rachel did manage to fall asleep and when Hiram saw Rachel sleeping on the sofa when he came home with Beth he quickly ushered the young girl into the basement where he found Leroy watching tv and the two men soon settled down with Beth to watch a Disney film.

Rachel was woken a couple of hours later by someone banging on the front door, luckily Lyla was still out of it from the antibiotics she'd had at the hospital and hadn't woken. Rachel waited for a moment to see if one of her fathers would get it but as she heard a second knock she knew she'd have to go. She managed to lie Lyla on the sofa without waking her and stretched out her back before walking towards the door, "I'm coming" she mumbled under her breath as the person outside knocked for the third time. "Will" she gasped as she opened the door, "what are you doing here?"


	29. Chapter 29

**This is not the dream I dreamed **- Rachel faces up to the fact that her Broadway career could be over before it had chance to begin.

**Rating** - T

**Character** -Rachel (Also features her fathers, Finn, Will, Shelby, Beth and others)

**A/N** - Reviews/concrit are loved, and if there's anything you'd like to see happen the let me know and I'll try my best to work it in somehow.I'm from the UK, so if anything American is not quite right, please let me know and I'll fix it.

I know it's taken me a little longer than a fortnight but I changed internet providers and didn't have the interet for a while. I'm going to aim to have the next part up within a fornight again.

* * *

_Rachel was woken a couple of hours later by someone banging on the front door, luckily Lyla was still out of it from the antibiotics she'd had at the hospital and hadn't woken. Rachel waited for a moment to see if one of her fathers would get it but as she heard a second knock she knew she'd have to go. She managed to lie Lyla on the sofa without waking her and stretched out her back before walking towards the door, "I'm coming" she mumbled under her breath as the person outside knocked for the third time. "Will" she gasped as she opened the door, "what are you doing here?"_

"I'm here to pick up Lyla and Beth, we agreed I could pick them up at 10" he glanced to his watch, "it's 9.58 that's close enough."

"Lyla's sick Will, she's been in hospital all night, Shelby and my Dad have been trying to call you, they left messages."

"I'm sure she'll be fine, they wouldn't have let her come home if she wasn't."

"Her temperature's still high, I need to keep an eye on it to make sure it's going down and she had a seizure in the hospital Will, I'd rather keep her with me today. She's sleeping now and the doctors think she'll be out of it for a while because of the antibiotics they gave her at the hospital or I'd let you stay. You could come round tomorrow if you like, spend an hour or two with her if she's feeling better, or we can arrange something for next weekend."

"Just pack a thermometer in her diaper bag Rachel, I've looked after Beth when she's been sick before, Lyla's my daughter too you know. We agreed I could see her at 10 on Saturday, you can't just change your mind just like that."

"I'm not doing this to be evil or to get one over on you Will. Lyla is ill, do you think I want her to be sick, do you think I wanted to watch her have a seizure in my arms last night Will, that I enjoyed sitting in the hospital well after midnight waiting to hear she was going to be okay? You said you wanted to be a part of Lyla's life Will but where were you last night?" Her eyes filled with tears as she became increasingly upset and frustrated.

"For fuck's sake Rachel" neither Rachel or Will had seen Beth enter the hallway and quickly run up the stairs when she heard the shouting, "I have a life that doesn't involve you you know. I can't drop everything and come running every time you click your fingers."

"Mommy" Beth climbed on the bed where Shelby was still sleeping, "Mommy wake up."

"What is it baby?" Shelby asked as she sleepily sat up and rubbed at her eyes.

"Da" Beth wasn't sure what to call the man downstairs, "Daddy's here and he's shouting at Rachel, I think she's crying Mommy."

Shelby quickly jumped from the bed, "Where are Hiram and Leroy?" she asked pulling on a pair of sweatpants.

"In the garden, we were playing Mommy but I came in because I needed the bathroom but I heard Daddy so I went to see him but he was yelling at Rachel so I came to find you."

"Okay" Shelby brushed Beth's curls back off her face, "you go to the bathroom then go tell Hiram and Leroy that your Daddy's here and Rachel's upset"

"Are you going to go and make Rachel better?"

"I'm going to try baby."

"Will please" when Shelby reached the bottom of the stairs Rachel was stood in the doorway to the living room trying to stop Will from entering, "you'll wake her up."

"Will" Shelby snapped, "what the hell are you doing."

"Shelby" he hissed,she'd never seen him so angry, "is Beth ready to go?"

"I don't think Beth will be going with you today Will."

"What? Why not?"

"She's terrified Will, she just came upstairs to tell me you were yelling at Rachel."

Almost right on cue Beth came down the stairs. She stopped by Shelby and Will crouched down and held his arms out, "Hey Beth" he smiled softly, his tone vastly different to the one he used just moments before.

"It's okay darling" Shelby ran her hand over Beth's hair, "you go outside and find Hiram and Leroy." She glanced up at Will, "don't even think about touching her."

Beth ran as fast as she could into the back yard, "Uncle Leroy" she called, "My daddy's here and he's shouting at Rachel, I woke Mommy up and told her and she said I had to tell you and now she's downstairs shouting at Daddy too."

Leroy stood up, a look of complete anger on his face, "you wait here with Uncle Hiram, I'll fix it Beth" he paused for a moment, "do you want to see your daddy?"

Beth shook her head, "not if he's being scary."

"I think you need to leave now." Leroy said as soon as he walked into the hallway, finding the three adults stood in silence, the tension could be cut with a knife and he knew instantly that Rachel had been crying.

"I'm not leaving without my children" he told Leroy, "we agreed that I could see them today."

"Lyla is sick Will, I'll give you some advice, father to father, the key to having young children is flexibility, you can't set plans in stone. Kids get ill right before you're meant to go on vacation, if you need to leave the house at noon you can guarantee your child will be asleep for 11.30. Similarly if you get a call late on a Friday night to tell you that your daughter has been rushed to the emergency room you drop everything to see if she's okay. If you're working on something important, you're in the middle of dinner and your daughter falls over in the back yard you drop everything to make sure she's okay. When you have children Will you need to put them first. Hiram was at an office party last night, when I told him Lyla was sick he came straight home just to sit and wait for Shelby or Rachel to call. When you become a father your life takes a back seat. Nothing should be more important than your children." Will sighed before Leroy continued, "I asked Beth if she wanted to see you. She said not if you were being scary, they were her exact words, so I think you need to leave right now and maybe come back tomorrow, next week, whenever you've calmed down. I don't know what your problem is but I wouldn't trust you to look after Beth or Lyla in the state you're in." He moved to open the front door, "goodbye Will."

Will scowled as he moved towards the door, "this isn't over" he growled as he left.

"Wow" Leroy sighed once the door had shut, "that was. . ." he didn't know how to describe the situation he'd just witnessed as he turned to find Rachel already in Shelby's arms.

"He'd been drinking" Shelby informed them, "that will be what he was doing last night."

"He's been like that before?" Rachel asked as she moved into Leroy's warm embrace.

"Once" Shelby sat on the bottom step, "we split up for a while and I went to stay with my parents. He told me that was when Lyla was conceived. He went to AA for a while before we got back together."

"AA?" Leroy asked, his arm around Rachel's shoulders, "he's an alcoholic?"

Shelby shook her head, "I don't think so. He doesn't usually drink too much, he'd just have a beer at night when we were watching tv, I'd have a glass of wine he'd have a beer, but we went out and he just didn't stop, I honestly don't know how I managed to get him home. He collapsed in the hallway and I just left him there. In the morning he was a mess, he was just laid in his own vomit and he'd obviously not bothered to get up to use the bathroom in the night it was disgusting. I went to pick Beth up from my mom's and spent most of the day there. When I got home he'd cleaned up the mess but he was like that." Shelby gestured to the now closed door, "I packed a bag and went back to my mom's."

"I don't want him seeing Lyla if there's a chance he's going to be like that."

"I didn't want to say anything" Shelby said, "but I think if he wants to see Beth I'm going to take him to court and insist on supervised access."

"Could I do that too?" Rachel asked.

Leroy nodded, "of course you can Sunshine. But let's just see what happens if he comes round again."

"Has he gone?" Hiram asked as he walked cautiously into the hall with Beth on his hip.

Shelby nodded and held out her arms for Beth as Hiram hugged Rachel. "Are you sad Rachie?" Beth asked from Shelby's arms.

"I think if I could have a cuddle with my favourite little sister then I'd be a lot happier."

"Mommy" Beth said sternly, "put me down I need to make Rachie smile." Shelby laughed and kissed Beth's head before putting her down and watching as she ran towards Rachel and wrapped her arms around her sister's legs for a moment before Rachel picked her up allowing Beth to squeeze her tightly. "Is that better?"

Rachel nodded, "it is."

"Is Lyla still sick?"

Rachel nodded, "she's going to be sick for a little while longer until the medicine the doctor gave her starts to make her better."

"I hope she gets better soon." Beth sighed, "I get bored playing with grown ups." She sighed again before wriggling to be put down, "I'll be in my room if you want me." she said before pushing past Shelby and making her way upstairs.

Rachel laughed, "I'm gonna move to Canada before she turns 13" she joked, "I do not want to be around when she's a teenager!"

Hiram laughed too, "remember that your dad and I know what you were like as a teenager, I'm sure there are many stories we could tell Shelby that would make her want to move to Canada before Lyla hits puberty."

Rachel shook her head and looked at her mother, "maybe we should go to Canada together and leave these two with Lyla and Beth."

Shelby smiled as she stood from the bottom step, "that sounds like it could be an excellent plan" she grinned and stretched, "now, I'm starving, does anyone want vegan pancakes?"

Rachel, Hiram and Leroy all agreed that pancakes were a great idea, "I'll go see if Beth thinks pancakes are too boring." Rachel smiled as she squeezed past Shelby and up the stairs, "Hey Beth" she didn't knock, just pushed open the door to the room Beth shared with Lyla, "we're going to have pancakes, do you wa. . .Oh Beth, what's wrong?" She saw the girl curled into a ball on the bed, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed and Rachel quickly lifted her into her arms. "Beth baby, come on, you can talk to me."

"Why was my daddy so mad?" She asked quietly as she sobbed.

Rachel sighed and wiped at Beth's tears, "he came to take you and Lyla out for the day but I said he couldn't take Lyla out today because she's too sick and he got angry."

"Oh" Beth sighed, "I bet Lyla would have liked to go out with him if she wasn't sick. I've not seen my daddy for a long time."

"I know Beth."

"When I saw him I wanted to give him a cuddle and show him my new jigsaw but he made me scared."

"I know he did and that's not right, he's a grown up so he should know better than to behave like he did. That's why Mommy wouldn't let him take you out today do you understand that?"

"Mommy didn't want Daddy to be angry with me?"

Rachel nodded, "Mom didn't want him to yell at you and make you upset Beth, she didn't send him away to be mean."

"Why doesn't he live with me and Mommy any more Rachel, was I bad?"

Rachel sighed, "Daddy did something that made Mommy really sad and she asked him to go live somewhere else because she was too upset to live with him any more. Then you came to live here when I had to go to hospital, do you remember?"

Beth nodded, "Mommy tucked me in at the other house and then I waked up in your bed. I was really scared but then Uncle Leroy came and said there was pancakes for breakfast so I was happy again."

Rachel remembered the reason for her trip upstairs, "mommy's making pancakes now, do you want to come eat them with us?"

Beth nodded, "can I sit next to you?"

"I'm sure you can" Rachel wiped the last of Beth's tears away before walking downstairs hand in hand with the young girl. She crossed her fingers and hoped that she'd seen the last of Will Schuester. Little did she know Will was soon to be the least of her problems.


End file.
